The Not-So Typical Gay Guy

"It’s like you’re together but you’re not" (an inspired post)

2012-02-04T10:10:00.002+08:00

The " it’s like you’re together butyou’re not " stage. Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding, Pseudo-relationship in other words. Flings.It’s almost like being in a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase wherethe persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. It could bethat you have a verbal agreement, could be that you haven’t had any. One orboth of you may have admitted your feelings, also possible that you haven’t.You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Nobody’s courting anybody,you’re not officially dating either. However, your actions sometimes speaklouder than words.It’s like you’re together, but then you’re not.

This kind of "relationship" can happen atdifferent stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. Youstill love each other and you want to be with each other but you broke up for areason. And for reasons that you alone know, you don’t want to get backtogether yet.

It can also happen before a relationship wherein both of youare still trying to test the waters. It could be possible that both of youdon’t want to get serious yet that’s why you end up going out frequently,assuming you own the other.

It can also be that you can never be together because one ofyou is currently dating somebody else. While the other hasn’t officially brokenup with the “real partner” (which was promised over and over again but neverhappened), the other decides not to take things seriously just so s/he can saythat s/he’s not “cheating” since both of you are not officially together.anyway Sucks, doesn’t it?

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be funespecially if you’re just looking for “fun and excitement”. Just don’t expectanything, that whatever you have will lead you somewhere because in this kindof setup, nothing’s really for sure, nothing’s definite. So why settle forsomething that won’t assure you anything? Maybe because, again, you’re justlooking for “fun”, or because it’s better than having nothing or no one, ormaybe because you just find it as an outlet, a resort to your so called“loneliness”. Meaning, while “the real thing” hasn’t arrived yet, you’d settlebeing a player in some game that doesn’t have any winner.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they wouldthink that a pseudo-relationship is better than having no relationship at all.It would be fun, if all you’re after for is that "kilig"feeling.

I, for one, have been in a number of pseudo-relationships.No commitments involved. The simplest reason behind that being is because theycouldn't commit; they were either committed to someone else, or that theyweren't ready to commit, or you just both aren't sure how you feel for eachother. Period. My rationalization is, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

I was just after that magical feeling of being involved withsomeone; that feeling when you have someone to check out on you every now andthen, someone who’ll complete your day without even doing anything, someonewho’ll make you smile everytime your phone rings/beeps because you know who themessage came from, someone who won’t make you feel lonely while you don’t have“the real thing” yet. Yes, I settled for something like that too. Manytimes.

But then I learned that although it was only apseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. I then realized that usually, inthis kind of set up, I (or the person who hopes more) am (most of the time) theunderdog, the loser, the big sh*t

First, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's notreally a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Doyou even have the right to ask him to pick you up even in the wee hours of themorning? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can'texpect him to be always there with and for you. And if you feel jealous aboutthe girls/boys s/he’s with, you just mum yourself and zip your mouth. Who areyou anyway to be jealous?

Second, what if you fall deeply in love with him? Youcan't be sure if he feels the same way. You may just be assuming that he lovesyou that way you love him. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him,you can't because you're not sure if he'll like it, not even sure if hesees that spark you see in him. You may just end up embarrassing yourself. Thisstage will always make you wonder where and who you are in the relationship orif there is even a relationship at all.

Third, what if you become too attached? What if youhave invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remainfaithful to him, not entertaining others, only to find out that he is seeingother people?

Another downside of being in a pseudo-relationship is thatit is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold,then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, you don’tknow and own your place in a pseudo-relationship. You are not holding, orshould I say, you can’t hold anything against the other person because in apseudo-relationship, there is no "us." There’s just "youand me," but not "us."

I mean, it’s okay if you’ll only feel pseudo-pain; however,that’s never the case. You feel that real thing, the Real pain. Andusually, even if you’ve already ended the pseudo-relationship, you can’t helpbut hope that one day, there’d still be something else. You will feel miserablehoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually thatthe guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Sheesh. Isn’t itway too complicated? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and thenyou'd end up hurting yourself in the process? Geez.

But you can always escape and avoid the pain (the realpain by the way). You can always stop thinking about the future andjust enjoy the moment, without thinking of the consequences. If you arecertain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, you have to decide. Youcan be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next, oryou can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

Bottom line is, if it makes you happy, go for it. Just readyyourself to the consequences that you might have to face. Because the "it’slike you’re together but you’re not" stage seldom transitions tothe real thing. Usually, it ends there… almost, but not quite.

Post inspired by sassyizzie
(most of the contents in this entry were taken from the original article, I just edited a few things. no plagiarism intended)

xoxo
Much Love

Twenty Eleven

2012-01-16T09:25:00.001+08:00

I've been too caught up with work (as I always say) reason for me not to blog as much as I could. I mean, I kinda notice my fellow bloggers not being able to post blogs as frequent as they should as well. Is it a blogger's syndrome or something? Well anyway, here we go with the few things I have done in the past year. It was rough yet it taught me a lot.

I started the year meeting a new guy. His name's Andy and Jacket series. (Grey, Orange, Blue, Black). "Andy has this certain effect on me. I love the way he makes me feel. I'm not so sure what's going to happen next but I know he makes me happy. He's childish, down-to-earth. He's not perfect but I find him real." That's how I described him during the first few days that we've met. We never really came to be the "us" that I was hoping for. Looking back, it kinda sounded funny that I had nothing else to blog about but him. I even wrote posts about how much I missed him (Part 1, Part 2), how jealous I was with a few common friends we had (Seloso v.1, Seloso v.2). We even had a fun celebration of his birthday, a day after Abreeza Mall here in Davao opened. It was such a day to remember Yes, my admiration for this guy had lasted for so many months. But I know somewhere within the year, it died out. We still see each other but not as often as before. He wasn't able to reciprocate the feelings I had for him, but I know somewhere deep inside him he cared and still cares for me; it definitely shows.

**

Out of boredom, I tried out a few recipes here at home and shared some to you. A few of those recipes were in my tumblr account, I think I only posted 4 recipes here:

- Chicken Cacciatore (Italian Hunter Style Chicken)
- Green Mango Salad in Nouc Mam Cham dipping fish sauce
- Seared Black Tuna in citrus ginger soy sauce
- Leafy Breaded Chicken Breast with Rosemary, Tarragon and Basil

I have tried a lot more but because of my hectic work schedule, I forgot to post them.

**

No year is complete without the Miss Universe pageant. I'm not really an avid fan of this contest but our representative, Shamcey Supsup, really made me want to watch. She's pretty, intelligent and sexy. I remember the first time I saw her walk, she looked like she was an alien descending down from the stairs of the stage. I didn't know then that they called her walk the Tsunami Walk. Hopes were high for our local bet, she was one of the early favorites in the competition worldwide. Eventually, she became 3rd-runner up which made the whole country so proud.

**

Unlike the past year, I had a lot of strories to share with you about guys. But this years, I only had a few. Yes, maybe I had some, I just wasn't able to blog about them.

Andy - 'nuff said. I think you already know too much about him.
David - you still remember Bubu? Yeah, the guy from Dubai
Dave - the half Chinese "drunk" guy
Marvin - that guy who gave me all that confusion and stuff

But to be honest, I didn't have much time to date. That was at least a picture of my year was. It sucks that I only had 49 entries for 2011. I won't promise but I'd definitely be blogging more this 2012!

Cheers to Good Life! Cheers to Good Love! Cheers to more blog posts! Cheers to more guys!

xoxo
Much Love

Twenty Twelve

2012-01-01T14:10:00.002+08:00

Due to my hectic sked, I've never been able to blog as much as I could. Anyway, I haven't been able to make a year-end blog too ;)

Well, since bawal ang paputok dito sa Davao, iba na lang ipapaputok ko. Haha!!

Happy New Year Everyone!

xoxo
Much Love

Rumor Has It ver 2.0

2011-12-05T23:13:00.001+08:00

Rumor Has It Pt. 1 - click here

Bert...
I can't play rude anymore...
sorry...

I kept playing happy songs just to divert my attention to the song more rather than the situation. So I got a bit used to the distant thing. It was still in my system but it didn't pinch my heart anymore. There was no more heavy feeling. I was getting comfortable with the fact that, yes, he might not ever speak to me anymore. Friends helped me get through, but I helped myself more of course. So I had to post this in FB. I was drunk but I was amazed with the thought that passed through my mind:

Life doesn't stop here. we get hurt, we get left behind, we cry, and we get mad. The least we can do to better ourselves is to stand up and move on. after all, we've got no one but ourselves to make life better :)

Yeah, I was right. I had no one but myself to make everything better. So I did. I started cheering up, started looking at the brighter side of life. I mean, I still have that pain inside it's just that it's not getting into me as much as it did before. So I posted another thing in FB:

The moment I stop thinking of what happened, the moment I think I'll be free from this misery. Lord knows the pain is still there, it hasn't healed with time. The agony it caused me lingered longer than I though it did. I'll keep silent, stay focused, pretend that it has died out... but I know it's still there... it will always be :|

So I went on with life. I mean, I shouldn't stop me from being happy just because this one guy has decided to totally shut me off from his life noh. Although I couldn't deny the fact that hopefully, he'll surprisingly send me a text message or something. I mean, I always catch him online in FB but he never even attempted to IM me. I started not to care anymore, and damn it felt good. But then, upon waking up early in the morning to prepare for work, I noticed an unexpected message, again, in FB.:

Bert...
I can't play rude anymore...
sorry...

It stopped my whole morning. I was trying to compose myself and check hey, is this freakin' real? Yeah. Marvin finally said sorry after two weeks of not speaking to me. It took a few minutes before I could decide what to reply. Then I just decided to send him a text message.

Just read your message in FB. My PC crashed. If you wanna talk about it, just tell me.

I wasn't really expecting a reply. I didn't even know if my number's still registered in his phone. But after a while, I got something from him:

I'm so sorry Bert. I am not good playing the bad person

There, I understood his struggle. I was right. He was struggling to avoid me, play the bad part and be rude and all. He just couldn't do it anymore. Maybe he suddenly realized how puny his decision was, how pathetic it seemed.

To be continued...

xoxo
Much Love

Rumor Has It

2011-12-02T06:03:00.001+08:00

I cried. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. Yes, it was time to say goodbye.

It was a typical day for me. I went to work, had my class, ended the day. A few sticks of cigarette comforted me that day. But there was something different, something awkward that day. Marvin. Yes, Marvin. I saw him quite a few times that day but he never took the time to say Hi, call my attention, invite me to smoke, have lunch or even send me a text message even during class hours. It was weird because he was never like that. So I ended my shift and decided to go home. I packed my things, took my bag, logged out and waited for him. But then I saw this familiar looking guy from afar making his way to the loading/unloading station of the jeepneys. I was sure it was Marvin. We used to go home together because our houses are not that far apart. So I sent him a text message:

“Aba, nangiiwan ka na pala ngayon. Galit kaba talaga sakin?” I sent him a similar text message earlier that day because I already noticed he was giving me a cold shoulder.

“I have my reasons, don’t ever argue” was his reply. I didn’t want to argue, I just wanted to know.

“Di naman ako nakikipag argue, nagtatanong lang naman ako kung galit ka.” I asked him back. I already had a feeling that something weird was going on.

“Kelangan ko munang umiwas sayo. Ang pangit na ng mga feedback.”

I spent the whole night asking, insisting him to tell me what feedback was given. Feedback = Rumor. That was what I had in mind. We exchanged messages for more than an hour without him telling me what I needed to know. His replies were cold, not like the way it used to be. Then, I had no choice but to beg him to tell me.

“Please Marvin, yun lang gusto kong malaman.”

“Ok lang, ako lang naman yung nasaktan. Sabi nila sipsip daw ako sayo. Kaya daw ako lumalapit para lang makapasa sa training and other things worst. Matutulog na ako.”

Then I understood. If you’re someone who doesn’t know the type of person Marvin is, you’d probably say that his reaction was too childish, immature. I didn’t see it like that. Marvin is the type of guy who doesn’t take rumors quite easily. He doesn’t like being talked about. He barely even talks to people apart from me. After reading and replying to his text message, I cried. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. Yes, it was time to say goodbye.

Until now, Marvin and I hasn’t spoken to each other. He’s been avoiding me like crazy. I tried reaching out to him, tried asking him why he had to avoid me as if I were the ones who made the rumors. I feel like giving up now. I mean, I’m still hoping to have everything fixed. I don’t feel down and devastated just because I like him so much. It was more of losing the friendship, the rare friendship he barely offers to anyone.

Just the other day, a friend of mine told me something. He was unaware about what was going on between me and Marvin. Then he suddenly asked “Boyfriend mo ba si Marvin? Yun kasi yung kumakalat na issue. Pero ang alam ko di naman talaga kasi sabi mo.”

Then I suddenly understood why he had to stay away from me, why he had to give up our friendship.

To be continued...

xoxo
Much Love

Care to share what a gay guy has in mind?

2011-11-30T17:51:00.001+08:00

Hey Guys!!

If you have a Tumblr account, please PLEASE follow my friends account:

gayminded.tumblr.com

You can leave questions, you can also submit posts. Here's a look. I think the site is still a work in progress :)

xoxo
Much Love

Help Me!

2011-11-22T01:53:00.001+08:00

This past month, I've been quite close with this one particular guy. He's very.... uhmmm... unique? I mean, he really has a very DEEP background. May it be personal, family, lovelife, name it. Well anyway, yes, I like him. A LOT! He's super smart and he's quite funny when it's just the two of us. It's just that, well, he's straight. That I know for sure. But what if:

- You chat all night in FB. 4 hours of chatting and exchanging-slash-sharing Youtube links isn't enough, sometimes, you chat for almost 6 hours about merely anything?
- In less than a month, his messages already filled my phone's memory? We text all day and all night and at work. He greets me Dud Morning first thing when he wakes up and sometimes slips a Nyt before he sleeps?
- Whenever he comes back to the city (since he goes home to his own), he always brings me bibingka and puto, the one I really like the most, without even asking him to buy me? I mean, he does this everytime he comes back to Davao.
- He shares to me and ONLY me his deepest problems about lots of stuff.

Well, all of these stuff still confuse me. Yes, I am 100% sure he's straight but definitely his actions make me think otherwise....

BTW, all of the above are still happening.... ALL of the above...

xoxo
Much Love

You Got Away

2011-10-09T02:59:00.001+08:00

Is it just normal to end up missing somebody when your drunk?

I so miss Andy :((

xoxo
Much Love

Are You Suprised Mom?

2011-09-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

I'm so inspired. Super inspired. Well, I went to my twitter account and found that this guy who gives me so much inspiration posted a new tweet. He mentioned that he posted a video of him coming out to his mom.

Randy Phillips became a YouTube sensation for coming out as a gay man in the US Military. His account name in both YouTube and Twitter is areyousurprised. Before, he used to just show his chest when giving inspirational speeches in his videos, also posted videos of him coming out to his friends in the military. Damn! He's so hot! Check out his pictures:

I doubt you could find somebody shirtless and sexy in the streets of Davao :)

uhmmm.... what's he doing?

and that's definitely SEXY

Anyway, I got so inspired while he was coming out to his mom. She might've not accepted it right away but she was very vocal about her unchanging and unconditional love for her son despite Randy's sexual preference. I know he'll serve as an inspiration for many gay guys like me. You may want to check out his YouTube and Twitter accounts :)

xoxo
Much Love

Seloso ver 2.1

2011-09-30T18:02:00.004+08:00

Ok. So my story with Andy still hasn’t ended. I know. I still like him but I think it’s about time I move on. Being in a situation where all your emotional investments aren’t reciprocated is just crap. He’s still my friend but I think I’m getting irritated when I see him. Not because I’m bitter that he hasn’t given much attention to the time I’ve been giving him. It’s just that I hate the fact that he always has to pretend. Now, he’s pretending that he has a girlfriend. And no, I’m not saying this because I’m jealous. I’m saying this because I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend. All our other friends also believe that he doesn’t have one. Well, let me tell you why I think he’s just pretending to have a girlfriend.

These past few days, I’ve been laying eyes on one of the employees in our office. We had constant conversations before but that was because I had to give him feedback and stuff. All the conversations we had were very professional, were all about work. His name is Dave. He’s half Chinese, a bit Chinito and his skin tone is very light. Anyway, I like his smile, the way he dresses up and the way he converses with me whenever we have our feedback sessions. Then, last Sunday, my friend invited him to go out and have a drink with us. She did that for me. And so he came. I felt like I was 16 again. He was seated beside me, it gave me this kilig inside of me that I could never explain. Then we ordered 1… 2…. 3… 4… 5 bottles of beer each. That made us both so tipsy. Since Davao has a curfew on liquors by 2AM, we had to move to our friend’s house, that same girl who invited Dave. Then we drank some more and more and more. Yes, only the two of us were so dead drunk that night. I was even absent the next day. I was supposed to report to work by 6AM.

Dave and I seemed to have our own world when we arrived at McDonald’s to have breakfast. We kept talking and talking like we owned the place. We had our pictures taken candidly. He kept resting his head on my shoulders. I, on the other hand, kept moving closer to him. He wasn’t really acting sweet. I think he was just being a gentleman, a drunk gentleman that is. Then we parted ways.

That's me in blue, that's Dave in gray. And yes, he was so drunk he had to doze off

The day after, Dave and I barely spoke. We don’t even say Hi to each other, like that “Beer Night” never happened. I understood. I was a bit shy to approach him either after what we both did out of drunkenness. I tried reaching out though and fortunately, he smiled back. I’m trying to build that friendship between us. I have this big hunch that he’s straight, but the hell I care. I mean, really, I just want to be close friends with him. If God won’t allow me to be with him, then fine, I just want to be friends with him.

In the office, I call him BabyLove. We all love giving codenames to our crushes, right? Well, since Andy heard the term BabyLove, he started being silent and cold towards me. Then he kept asking who BabyLove is. When I ask him why he needs to know, he doesn’t answer. When he checked my iPod out and saw the pictures I had with Dave, he then said “confirmed nga. Sabi ko nga ito si BabyLove.”. He just won’t let it go. After that, he started claiming he has girlfriend. Now I guess you can tell why I still don’t believe he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Hay josko. Mahaba ba talaga buhok ko teh?

xoxo
Much Love

The Ugly Truth v.2

2011-09-28T21:52:00.001+08:00

Okay. So I really don’t know how to start with this entry. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I just found out that my friends (the ones I’ve been with when I went away from home) already broke up. Well, I haven’t gotten any confirmation. Here’s how the situation looks like:

Boy is very close with Ms. Trainer. For all I know, Ms. Trainer is married and has children. However, what makes me wonder is that Boy and Ms. Trainer are intimately close. They closely hold each other’s hands, they frequently hold each other’s hips, they embrace a lot, and I even saw them kiss one time. I mean, it wasn’t on the lips anyway, it was just on the cheek.

On the other hand, Girl is in Dubai. She works as a nurse. The last time I noticed her and Boy talk through FB was on her birthday in August. They said they missed each other. However, I checked FB and she said “you're getting farther from me...yet, you don't want me to reach you... :(” I don’t think she has an idea that Boy has this special relationship with Ms. Trainer who happens to be married.

Life. It’s way too complicated. I mean, when we were living in the same roof, I always call Boy and Girl my Mom and Dad. I share the same room with both of them, I always go out with them to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. But that was then. I’m not really sure if they already broke up or maybe Boy is just into very complicated relationships. Take note, it’s relationship with an S. I really feel sad knowing that there’s nothing I can do to make things better. I think I just need to step back and wait for things to go back the way they were before.

xoxo
Much Love

Oreo Surprise

2011-09-23T20:01:00.000+08:00

I was having a bit of a bad day today at the office. Good thing I got my phone back. Unfortunately, Andy took it by accident thinking it was his phone. He had for two day while his phone was with me. When I came back in the office last night, my phone was already in my locker. That means Andy still has keys to my locker. Anyway, that's not the story. It's just part of it. I got a bit pissed off because he never even bothered to return my phone the day before, nor did he even say sorry for not showing up to give my my phone back. Towards the end of my shift, Andy said he was to claim his prizes for some achievement he made in the office. I left my station for some 30 good minutes to go to another meeting. When I returned, I saw this:

He left me 3pcs of Oreo in my station. I don't know if 3 meant something. It made me kilig for some reason. He barely leaves food for me. But anyway, since I'm too cheezy and wouldn't want to forget the fact that he did think of me when he got this prize, I kept the wrapper. haha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Crossing Fingers for Shamcey

2011-09-13T08:13:00.001+08:00

Let me be a little more gay today. Just like everyone else, I'm quite excited to see the Miss Universe 2011 pageant today. I'm currently crossing my fingers for Ms. Shamcey Supsup to make it as far as the Top 5 Finalists. Everyone's been so proud of her achievements since the time she arrived in Sao Paulo. Anyway, I'm still hoping she topped the Miss U online poll. Whoever will top the online voting will have a sure slot in the Top 15. However, in Latin TV Network Telemundo's website, Shamcey on the #2 slot with almost 2.2 million votes, with Ms. Venezuela on top with just about 56k votes ahead of Shamcey. BTW, I got this online tally just about a few minutes ago. Can't wait to see who wins!!

xoxo
Much Love

Mohawk-ish

2011-09-12T20:56:00.001+08:00

I started running out of ideas how I can fix my hair. Sometimes, it takes me quite a while to finish fixing it. My hair grows faster than normal. I didn't know what to do with my hair anymore so I decided to get a haircut today :)

Before

I got my usual hair stylist to shave off the sides of my head and trim the top part. I wanted to have that mohawk-ish look again the way I had it before.

After

My mom says she doesn't like the way my hair was cut. I told her "Ma, future na ngayon. Di na uso ang pomada". She just laughed. I'll be sporting this kind of hairdo for about two weeks 'til my hair grows long again. Sheesh.

xoxo
Much Love

Shamcey's Preliminary Walks

2011-09-09T13:47:00.000+08:00

Why do I have this feeling that Ms. Philippines is like a floating alien when she walks down the stairs? Haha!! Just a though. I'm still voting for her anyway. Can't wait for this!!

*I updated this link for the 3rd time :)*

xoxo
Much Love

Happy Bubu Birthday again!!

2011-08-29T00:22:00.004+08:00

Last year, I received a phone call from him. This year, I didn't get one. It's been a long time since he called and checked on me. The last time he called me, he promised a package. And damn, I forgot to blog about it. Anyway, he did send me one. The inside's a surprise :)

Today's my Bubu's birthday. I greeted him in FB as usual with a simple 'apee buprday!! *burp*' greeting. He never responded this time. I noticed he's not opened his account for quite some time so might've been busy this time. I mean, after over a year of being in Dubai, I know he's already got some friends he can celebrate his day with.

I just missed talking to him, that's all. It's not that I want to get back with him or something. He's just been that friend I always needed. But a phone call to him and vice versa is too expensive I guess so we both can't afford to call each other. He's not that familiar with Skype either. I just had that in my computer and I don't know how to use it too :)

Well, I know he won't be able to read this but I really want to wish him a happy birthday. I already thanked him for the package he sent me. He just told me "I hope you like it". I'm happy to know that he's already moved on from what we had before he left. I know he's doing great because if he wasn't, he'd probably give me a ring *assuming*

xoxo
Much Love

Chicken, Hunter Style!

2011-08-25T19:47:00.005+08:00

A day before payday, I had myself cook some wonderful dish again. Take note, I haven't tried doing this dish ever. I was watching the latest season for Masterchef US when one of its amateur cooks cooked something that caught my eye. I loved the color and the whole look of the dish. So I researched it and combined all the different recipes I found online and made my own version.

Chicken Cacciatore

1/2 pound chicken (choice cuts)
2 tbsp olive oil
1 cup spring onion (thinly sliced)
2 cloves garlic (thinly sliced)
1/3 cup white wine
2 cans tomato (peeled and chopped)
1 tbsp rosemary
1 tbsp thyme
5 bay leaves

I'm such a sucker for Italian dishes. I started making pasta dishes before and they turned out quite to be a best-seller for my friends. It's my first time to use wine in my dish so I really didnt' know how the taste is supposed to be. With the sourness of the peeled tomatoes and the lovely alcohol-ish taste of the wine, I really didn't know how the dish is supposed to taste. Good heavens, my tastebuds are one-of-a-kind. The dish was such a winner. It was the first time I saw my mom say "masarap!" with her eyebrows lifted along with a big smile! Haha!!

Now, here's a cheap image of my Chicken Cacciatore which I took before I ate it. Nyahaha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Hair Color

2011-08-24T12:11:00.004+08:00

This is something I picked out from Tumblr. I chose to post it here because I know I went through all of the things mentioned below. Yeah, it's so sad to know that up until now, it's happening. And yes, I've changed my hair color a few times but I was only noticed once...

"Come on, you guys.  Don't act like you haven't done it 

before.  You know how it is when you really care about someone.  You call them all day long...   because you just wanna know how their day is going... and what they're thinking about and if they're thinking about you.    You spend all day trying to find the perfect outfit.    You even change your hairstyle just so he'll take a second look. But they never notice. Sometimes l just wish that they could trade places with us... so that they would know how it feels. You know?"

Too sad...

xoxo
Much Love

Work.Work.Work

2011-08-16T19:00:00.001+08:00

I don't really feel like going to work today. I mean, starting today...

xoxo
Much Love

Crazy Lunch

2011-08-14T21:59:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was such a bad day for me. I got nagged by my boss. He was so pissed like hell and I was like a chick wanting to go back inside my shell. Geez. But I'm trying to forget that because I don't want to feel awkward once I go back to work.

Anyway, I decided to go in the grocery. I didn't know what to buy but I had things in mind. I was thinking what to prepare for lunch. I was uber hungry and wanted to eat something new. Anyway, Here's what I came up with:

Green Mango Salad in Nouc Mam Cham dipping fish sauce

(Nouc Mam Cham fish sauce)
2 tbsp sugar
1/2 cup water
3 tbsp vinegar
3 tbsp fish sauce
1 clove garlic, sliced
2 small green sword chilis, sliced
1/2 slice lemon juice

(Green Mango Salad)
1 green mango, shaved
1 carrot, shaved
6 pcs tiger prawns
mint
basil
dill
parsley

I saw this on TV, watching Masterchef Australia. It's a Vietnamese version of the green mango salad. It's very easy to make anyway :p

Then, for the main entree, I tried something new. This is an original. A mixture of of different kinds of seared tuna.

Seared Black Tuna in citrus ginger soy sauce

2 pcs sliced Tuna
1/2 sliced lemon juice
salt and pepper to taste
10 gms black pepper, crushed
1 tbsp ginger, minced
1 tbsp sliced scallions
2 tbsp soy sauce

Again, I've never tried this dish before. I don't even know what taste to expect so I'd know I got the right taste. All I know is that my friend and I finished all these ion less than 30 mins. Not because we were really hungry, but because we know it tasted amazing!

I'm seriously considering being a chef someday and open up my own mini resto. Watcha think? haha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Tumblr

2011-08-11T18:34:00.003+08:00

I recently opened a tumblr account and I don't know if I should post it here or not. I mean, it's where I'll be posting everything about ME, not about Robert. I want to have readers too because I want people to know the guy behind Robert.

Anyway, I'll be thinking about it. For those of you wise enough to find it, the link is actually just somewhere within this page :)

xoxo
Much Love

It's all about the BREAST!

2011-08-07T10:58:00.005+08:00

Since I love cooking way too much and I that I got a bit obsessed with cooking shows and stuff, I decided to start blogging about food. Here's a start:

The other day, my friends and I really didn't know what to eat for lunch. They all wanted something "lutong bahay". So I decided to volunteer. They all accompanied me in the grocery to grab some stuff to cook then we headed to our friend's house. I'm not really particular with the quantity and measurements of the ingredients I use. I'm more into just estimating the resources I have. Anyway, here are the ingredients:

2 pcs. Chicken Breast, deboned
500 ml Cooking oil
1 pack Bread crumbs
400gms All-purpose flour
2 pcs. Egg
4gms Rosemary
4gms Tarragon
4gms Basil
Salt and Pepper to taste
Ranch Sauce (optional)
Barbeque Sauce (optional)

It was a bit chaotic in the kitchen. I have to admit this is something I haven't cooked ever so I really don't know how the taste is going to be. Lo and behold! It tasted good after everything was done!

For the sauce, you can try any sauce that you would like to accompany with the crispy entree. I really like testing out food for the first time. Whenever I'm in the supermarket, I haven't got anything in mind yet; however, I start to think right there and then about the stuff I want to cook and taste.

Anyway, here's how my Leafy Breaded Chicken Breast with Rosemary, Tarragon and Basil looked like:

I'll continue to blog about the dishes I have tried. Looks yummy! I look forward to making desserts though :)

xoxo
Much Love

Twenty Four

2011-07-27T14:54:00.003+08:00

My birthday passed a few days ago and I'm still amazed that people still take the time to greet me :)

My birthday wasn't that much of a party. I had a few friends come over to party with me. Sadly, they came in late... way too late. But at least they came :)

Although I didn't have that much budget to buy all the ingredients I need, I still looked for ways to make sure I'll have food served in my birthday table. I didn't even bother to buy a cake for myself. I mean, cakes are meant to be given as gifts, ayt? Well, my sister bought me one. The oh-so-famous ice cream cake. Although they were late, my friends bought me cake too. It's still in the fridge, there's still 1/4 left with all candles on it. Those were the only gifts I got. I usually don't get any gifts at all anyway. If you remember last year, my trip to Cebu was my gift for myself. This year, I did the same. I just forgot to blog about it, I got too caught up with work and too much sleep.

It's almost night time and my mom and I had to start cleaning up. My friends went home since there was nothing else more to do. It's almost nighttime, almost time to sleep... but he still hasn't come. I kept calling him the whole day but unfortunately, his phone was dead. A few hours went by, I saw my phone ring. It was my friend calling.

Me: Oh, napatawag ka?
Andy: Bert, sensya na talaga. Napasobra tulog ko.
Me: Che!
Andy: Ginising lang nila ako dito sa office. Sorry talaga
Me: Pupunta ka dito sa bahay? May makakain pa naman eh

It took him quite awhile to reach our house. I was almost asleep in my room when somebody knocked. I thought it was my mom so I just didn't bother to answer because I wanted to sleep already. Then a second knock was heard. I then shouted to signal it was ok to come in. Then he came in. So he slept my birthday through. At least he made the effort to wake me up in my room to tell me "I know... I'm late... Super late..."

I had him eat while I was sleeping. He then woke me up to tell me he's heading to the office early to render some overtime. The day ended... but... he never greeted my happy birthday.

Sad, really sad. He greeted me through FB though. But being greeted personally would definitely make a difference. HAY NAKU! Change mood!

So what? I'm already 24. Still young I guess. I don't have that much pictures to show during my birthday. I didn't bother taking pictures because I looked like a dressed caveman that day. Hahay. 'Til I age another year next year!

xoxo
Much Love

A Few More Hours

2011-07-24T11:49:00.000+08:00

Counting a few more hours 'til I age a year older :)

Andy said he'll be grilling something for me. Can't wait for that :)

xoxo
Much Love

My 200th post

2011-07-05T20:19:00.003+08:00

I thought I was alone. I was wrong. I recently became good friends with one of the nicest person I've known in the office. We've just gone out with other friends for like 3 days but I've known a lot about him and how his life seems similar to mine.

RC is in love with a guy who's, perhaps, feeling the same way too. He just doesn't have the courage to tell RC because he has a girlfriend. They've been close for a long time; however, they currently have this gap because they fear they might feel something deeper than what's already there. He's gone through the same kind of fuss I went through. The guy doesn't want him to leave but will not tell him why.

RC may not be the prettiest gay I've ever met. He's always been bullied as pangit, unggoy, creature and whatever, but he's, in my opinion, the purest and nicest person I've met in less than one week. I feel his pain whenever he tells me the struggles and sacrifices he's gone through to get the guys attention. The girlfriend even got jealous because of RC's sweet pictures with the guy in FB. He's cried tons of tears, invested tons of emotions and wasted tons of time just to see if indeed the guy feels something for him.

The only difference between me and RC is that the guy explicitly said he doesn't want RC to leave, that he missed him one time, and that he cares for RC. Whereas Andy, nada. He's never said anything synonymous to what was mentioned, anything that makes me think he feels the same. He's just giving me signs... signs which I have to guess, assume and perhaps wish. Up until now, my love story with Andy doesn't have any progress.

I'm happy to know that I have somebody like RC whom I can share about my heartaches and stuff. We learn from each other's mistakes, from each other's experiences. It took me quite awhile to post because I was thinking what topic I can best write about for my 200th post. I guess meeting a very nice friend like RC who has almost the same experience as me deserves to be blogged about :)

xoxo
Much Love

Better Yet - Gabe Bondoc

2011-06-18T01:05:00.002+08:00

I just can't get enough of Gabe Bondoc!!!

I know I might be posting this a bit late since he released this video like weeks ago but I wouldn't to miss the chance of posting this video here in my blogsite. For all the Gabe Bondoc fans out there, better listen to this song!

BTW, did he gain some weight?

xoxo
Much Love

Sorry

2011-06-15T13:22:00.004+08:00

I really am sorry for what I said. You didn't deserve that.

*awaiting for forgiveness*

"To err is human, to forgive is divine" -Alexander Pope

xoxo
Much Love

Green Coffee

2011-06-14T21:06:00.001+08:00

having coffee with my friends. i'm kinda bored right now and i'm missing Andy a bit. I mean, I've just been with him this morning. He had to sleepover at our house for 2 days after he got disharged from the hospital. His pregnant aunt's with them and he can't be there yet until he recovers. Will be chilling out for awhile here before I go to work later this morning. Here's my coffee sending its regards to all of you! :)

xoxo
- Robert

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Positivity!!

2011-06-07T19:33:00.002+08:00

These past few days might not have been the best for me, but I can see I've been better. Since I read one of my friends' blogpost about positivity, I couldn't stop being positive.

"Every action has an opposite reaction."

I remember way back when my friends kept telling me this so I'd cheer up. I know I've been down and I really wasn't looking at the brighter side of life. Just after the prayer I did in the church, I think God gave me all the positive vibes that I needed. To be honest, my relationship with Andy (as friends though) has become better. I mean, we talk a lot like we used to, we go out and have fun like we used to, he treats me normally and I even go to lunch with him and the girl this time. I have proven the fact that he doesn't really like the girl anyway, they're just too close because they have similar interests, more similarities than we actually do.

"Your positivity will end someday."

A friend told me that. I didn't let it get me. As long as I have GB in me, I think everything will be alright. I noticed a lot of changes in the things around me just by the mere fact that you positively react to them. Yes, I know it'll have its end but as long as it's still in me, then I'll make the most out of it.

My feelings for Andy still remain the same but it's not something that I prioritize. I realized that I have to extend my patience. He might fall in love with me sometime later, he might not, I can't tell. The best I can do is wait and just look forward to whatever God gives me. I realized I have to prioritize myself, that I have to make sure I'm first in line. After all, nobody would look after me but me.

If there's one thing I learned these past few weeks is that "things that don't kill you only make you stronger." Every challenge I face everyday of my life is a step towards change. Well, as for Andy, I'd wait. I'd still wait. I guess I won't stop hoping that someday he might feel the same way I do for him. Now that's what you call positivity!!

xoxo
Much Love

Answered Prayers

2011-05-31T19:39:00.003+08:00

Today, I spent a few minutes of my time in the church. I realized it was about time I seek help from the Lord. I really don't know what to do. I'm uber confused. I guess I just needed some enlightenment.

I told the Lord everything I've been going through. I told him how much I miss the old times I had with Andy, how he makes me jealous when he's with "the girl", and everything else that makes me feel the way I feel now. I miss fun times I had with Andy. We used to just go and pig out somewhere, watch a movie and stroll a lot. Now, he barely even goes out with me. I also told Him how my feelings are affecting me so much, how it demotivates me at times, how it keeps me from thinking straight.

My tears started to fall. I just let it rolled down my cheeks. I didn't mind if there were other people in the church. After a few tears, my phone suddenly rang. Andy was looking for me. Then, the day went on. I suddenly realized the Lord answered my prayers... right away :)

Yun nga lang, di pa sinagot ni Lord yung hiling kong maging kami na. haha!! jowk.

xoxo
Much Love

Yet Another Phone Call

2011-05-24T09:00:00.002+08:00

And so he calls me again. It's been so long since he last called me. Yes, it's David. David my Bubu.

(See last entry of him here)

He just called like minutes ago and I couldn't help but grab my keyboard and blog about it. I was in the jeepney on my way home (yeah, home so early) when my phone rang. Another international number flashed on my screen. I was thinking it might be someone from the office using one of the forbidden phones again so I answered right away.

"Bert?"

That familiar voice always gives me that butterfly in my stomach. I could never be mistaken.

"Dah-beed!!"

Honestly, I was very excited to hear his voice. We haven't talked that much though we're friend in FB. I bet he's busy with his life, I'm quite busy with mine. We started catching up on each other's lives. I didn't care if I was in a public vehicle, I was seated in the front seat anyway. We talked like the way used to -- we just laughed, joked around, suddenly keeps silent and all those craziness.

And yes, we got to that part again. The supposedly "us" topic. Well people, I'm glad to inform you that David is still single. Haha!! Anyway, yes, he asked me about that guy I keep on talking about in my status messages in FB (that's Andy btw). He wondered why I was sad, why I suddenly turned happy and vice versa. It's like he wanted to know how Andy was like, why Andy was giving me this kind of bipolar effect. I told him it's hard... very hard to explain over the phone. I guess he understood, he respected my decision not to go deeper with the topic. Not that it gives me pain or what. It's just that it's gonna make things more complicated.

I couldn't hear any tone of regret from his voice. I can't be sure about that either. I mean, how should I know if he's just fakin' his voice while his facial expression says a different thing? Well, he didn't say he was happy for me, he didn't tell me he doesn't like what I'm going through either. And for that, I definitely appreciate him being that ear I need to talk to. He never shared to me any updates about his so called lovelife. I'm not sure if he's comfortable talking about it anyway.

The phone call ended with a surprise. He said he sent me a package, a gift. He never gave me any hint as to what kind of gift it is. He said I just have to wait for it to arrive in our place. I'm excited!! It should be here anytime within the week.

Honestly, I still miss my BuBu!!

xoxo
Much Love

Seloso ver 2.0

2011-05-18T13:50:00.003+08:00

ang pangit pala ng feeling noh kapag nagseselos ka sa taong di naman sayo. Andy's been quite close to this girl since they became teammates. They asked him kung crush niya ba daw si girl, he says "no". I'm not sure if I should believe that or not. He barely goes with me for lunch anymore. I'm still convinced that he likes the girl. She has a boyfriend though, but I can feel she likes the attention Andy gives her.

The other day, my friends and I pre-planned a post-birthday celebration for him. It was just supposed to be the five of us kasi kami yung barkada sa office eh. Before we went out, he stopped me and asked...

"Bert, ok lang ba kung isama natin si (girl's name)?"

Ako naman si plastic... "kayo bahala" then I stormed out of my room.

I think he knows that I'm jealous about her. I think he feels the cold shoulder I give him everytime I see them together. I mean, among the 5 of us, ako lang ang tinanong niya. He even used my phone to call the girl. The girl said she'd join us, she even texted Andy through my phone. The devil in me took over; I deleted the message without telling him about it. Eventually, she didn't go. Napansin ko naging matamlay si Andy just because she wasn't able to make it. He even tried to call her to come. This time, he used our friend's phone. Feel ko nga baka alam niyang nagseselos ako kasi di na siya nakitawag sakin.

Close lang ba talaga sila? Or talagang may gusto lang siya dun sa babae? I'm confused. I guess it's because of the false hopes my friends give me. They keep saying he's not straight for so many reasons that involve me. I don't give a damn anyway. I don't particularly care about his sexual preference. I think I'm more worried about the attention he gives the girl, the attention that I used to get. I don't know what to feel, how to feel. I mean, I'm fine when we're together but I feel odd, very odd when I see them.

Josko po, tulungan mo sana ako :((

xoxo
Much Love

Andy's Burpday burp

2011-05-15T04:13:00.003+08:00

I know this is late but, as they say, it's better late than never.

Andy celebrated hi 20th birthday the other day. Well, we really didn't celebrate it. It was a day before the actual pay day so we're basically broke that day. I was lucky enough to be the first one to personally greet him. I woke up at about 1AM to get ready for work. He was still awake watching movie in my PC.

"Di ka na nga pala teenager noh?" I said. Then he just laughed.

Since we didn't have any celebration at all, I moved my plans the next day. It was actually a surprise for him. After hour shift finished on Friday, I dragged to Abreeza, the new Ayala mall in town. We were lucky enough because there were not much people that day. I had him choose where to eat. Unfortunately, all the placed we want to try are either full or on a dry run. We ended up eating at Bigby's. When the lady took our order, I told her that it was Andy's birthday and asked if they had some sort of cake. I specifically said "kung pede wag n'yo na lang kantahan." The lady turned me down and said they ran out of cakes. Before she left to have our orders cooked, she asked me to write a name on the receipt. I thought she needed my name for the bill so I wrote mine.

Later on, Andy and I were so busy eating as we were as hungry as hell. When suddenly...

I was surprised to here tambourines and stuff. Suddenly, they started singing the Bigby's Birthday Song. Josko, I almost choked what I was eating. The lady was a liar, they had this one big slice of their famous Midnight Dream Cake. But the sad part was, the cake was named "Robert". I suddenly realized that's why the lady asked for my name. While they were busy singing, I took my iPod out and started taking pictures of Andy while they were greeting him. He was obviously covering his face out of shame. I mean, we were seated outside the resto where everyone passing by can see us. Moreover, some of our officemates even saw the part where they were singing him the "LaLaLaLaLa" part.

After the waiters and waitresses were done with their presentation, Andy and I just kept laughing about the whole stuff. We were totally full but still continued laughing about the song and the crazy hat they made him wear. As we were slowly walking away from the resto to stroll some more, I told him "Oh, eto na yung regalo ko sayo ha." I didn't expect any response from him since I got used to it already. But I was surprised to hear this one word I have never heard him say...

"Thanks" with a big smile.

Josko, my heart almost melted. And guess what, he thanked me again before we parted ways. I can't believe I just heard him thank me for the very first time. haha!! Well, it was such a fun day for both of us. I was happy to know he liked the treat; well, he always does.

Will he even make an effort to surprise me on my birthday? Nah, I have to stop thinking about that :p

PS: I was lucky enough to take his picture. Nyahaha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Madame Cashier

2011-05-05T15:54:00.003+08:00

I went out for awhile today to do some groceries. My friends at work asked me to cook some pasta out of the money they won during our intramurals. Upon reaching the counter to have all my items scanned, I notice the cashier frequently looks at me. I handed her my ID and my credit card after everything has been scanned. Then she tells me...

"Autograph..."

I thought I didn't hear it right because I was too caught up with the music playing in my iPod. Then she hands me the receipt I had to sign. I returned to her the receipt but she was still taking a closer look at my ID.

"Sir, ang layo ng itsura mo dito sa picture ah."

Since I get that same comment a lot, I gave her the exact same response I give to everyone who has ever told me that.

"O nga, matagal na kasi yan."

To my surprise, the lady was actually trying to tell me another thing.

"Mas pogi ka kasi sa personal sir."

I just smiled and jokingly said "May discount ba 'to?" then I walked away. If only that girl knew... we play on the same team. Haha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Chris Hemsworth is THE Thor!

2011-05-03T18:32:00.005+08:00

Just watched Thor with Andy yesterday. Still can't get enough of the movie. The plot was nice, the costumes were nice, the effects were nice, but Chris Hemsworth was way more than nice!!

I mean, I posted about him being signed to play the role of Thor like a year and a half ago (click here for the original post). Then here he is! He's got a more chiseled body and he played the part very well. Still can't get enough!

JOSKO!! katawan pa lang, ulam na. haha! Well, being with Andy for almost 2 hours was way better. Yun nga lang, no holding hands. Haha!! How I wish :p

xoxo
Much Love

Caption This! (Royal Wedding)

2011-05-01T08:38:00.001+08:00

Amidst everybody's craze about the recently concluded Will and Kate Royal Wedding, I found this picture posted in a friend's wall. I really find it funny. Now, caption this! :)

xoxo
Much Love

Wrong Send

2011-04-24T22:17:00.001+08:00

As I was browsing through my facebook, I noticed a set of pbotos posted by a friend, a friend I fell in love with before, a friend that still gives me that "kilig feeling". And guess what... she's a girl.

I just knew months wayback that she already moved to Australia with her long time boyfriend. I guess they both work as nurses there since they both graduated with a bachelor's degree in nursing. As I browse through their pictures, it brings me back to those good old days when we used to laugh at silly jokes she used to crack, when we shared food during our small gatherings with friends, when we used to write short letters for each other. We were pretty close, but she never knew I was in love with her... until that one night.

I was listening to the radio and a talk show was on.

"what's that one last thing you would want to do if you were to die tomorrow?"

How could I ever forget that question. I then had the guts to answer their question, no one would know who I am anyway. Also, I know some of her friends listen to the same radio staion that same night.

"I would tell (insert girl's name) how much I love her then maybe i'd kiss her before my last breath."

I scrolled down my contacts to send the message to the radio station, then I click send. I suddenly stopped, froze and realized I've done something wrong. I look at my sent items. F*ck, I sent it to her. I didn't get any response. I was shaking, I didn't know what to do. I picked up my phone, composed a message, then sent it to her.

"sana walang magbago sating dalawa :("

The following week, we all gathered again for a friend's debut. As I stepped inside the ballroom, I got busy looking for my friends. I suddenly heard this greeting from behund me that gave me goosebumps. Yes, she greeted me as if she never received what I mistakenly sent. She still had this sweet smile for me, she even asked me to sit beside her.

I miss those days. As I browse through their pictures, I always tell myself how much I want to be in her boyfriend's place, how much I want to be with her. Damn, the straight in me slowly takes over.

xoxo
-Much Love

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Don't Tell My Mother...

2011-04-12T19:06:00.005+08:00

Believe it or not, I've spent the whole day yesterday watching TV. I had no other choice but to stay at home since I'm currently short of cash. Fortunately, NatGeo payed a marathon of "Don't tell my Mother". I definitely loved the show since the first time I saw it. It's a different kind of travel show that features mostly 3rd world countries and their poorest destinations. Unfortunately, they featured the slum areas of Manila way back. Apart from the interesting format of the show, the host, the producer and the director of the show absolutely got me hooked!!

He's name: Diego Buñuel. I know he looks a bit autistic (Pinoy expression) but he's definitely the hottest autistic-looking stud I've ever seen!! He's a French filmmaker who tours around the world to feature the wonders behind the poverty in some 3rd world countries. He's 36, I presume, since he was born in 1975. He started out as a correspondent for a certain newspaper in the US until he got promoted as a War Correspondent. Damn!!! I so love the sexy French accent. You might wanna look out for him once you happen to pass the NatGeo channel. I'd definitely love to travel with him!

xoxo
Much Love

Looking Back

2011-04-11T11:02:00.003+08:00

I've spent the past few months hoping for the possibility of falling in love again. I won't deny the fact that my words revolved around him only. I barely had time for myself. He has this child-like persona that makes me want to take care of him each and everyday. But these past few days, I've spent a lot of time thinking whether I should give up and accept that fact that we'll never be that love story people keep hoping we'd be or continue dreaming of that hopeless love he'll never give me.

I sometimes spend some time with myself thinking, weighing all the options of whatever choices I have, I always have the option to be happy, it's just that I keep locking myself to that dream of being happy with him. I felt nothing but pain, I forgot about being happy on my own. I wanna stay away but I know he still needs me. He needs me in his life, but not the same need I feel for him.

I'll be spending the next few weeks thinking about my options. Although I'm almost at the verge of giving up. Let's see how this goes...

xoxo
Much Love

Some Time Alone

2011-04-04T17:53:00.002+08:00

3:10PM April 4, Gmall 4th floor

I'm currently spending some time with myself. I'm almost feeling tired of endlessly hoping for his attention. I just hope somehow I'd find somebody like him. He's so different among all the other guys I've been with. I mean, I never got so much respect in my life. H never made me feel sorry for being gay. He;s been kind to me, not always but, most of the time. Until now, I keep thinking if he already know how I feel for him. My friends say he does, I'm still a bit confused about that fact. he never left my side. He might be suplado at times but I guess that's just how he really is. Awhile ago while watching a movie, I asked God what I should do next. I feel like giving up already but I wanna see if there really is something in store for me and him. He answered me when my friend suddenly texted me:

"Where you go, go with all your heart.
-Confucius"

So I guess I shouldn't give up then. I'll just keep chasing pavements even if it'll lead me nowhere. I have to hold on tighter because this journey's gonna take me long. I have to wait... and wait... and wait... like what I have been doing for the past few months.

Andy, I miss you. I miss you super bad. I miss you even more when we're together.

xoxo
Much Love

Sexy Fano!

2011-03-13T22:45:00.003+08:00

I'm currently hooked with the latest season of American Idol. I must say that they've got way better singers/contestants this year compared to the last 2 seasons of the said show. In the top 24, I had so many favorites but not all of them could go through the finals so I had to narrow them down. First on the list is, of course, Thia Megia. I'm not rooting for her just because she's Filipina. In her audition, I definitely liked her rendition of "Chasing Pavements" by Adele. I didn't know she was Filipina until my mom told me she was featured in the local news. Next, I soooo love Pia Toscano. By far, she's the best belter the competition has right now. I can't wait to see her top her last 2 performances; I believe everyone's also waiting for that to happen.

And lastly, my best bet of all, Stefano Langone. I already started loving him and his voice after he sang his rendition of "Heard it through the Grapevine" as his audition piece. I sooooo loved his "remix" version of Stevie Wonder's classic ballad "Lately" which the judges said Stevie would definitely be proud to hear that version. If you still haven't watched his performance (although numerous replays have been aired on TV), you can see it for yourself below:

Apart from his lovely and sexy voice, I just knew through Twitter that he cooks well. OwMayGerd! I would love to have somebody like him!

YumYum! (Both the food and, of course, Stefano!)

xoxo
Much Love

Cheezy... Very Cheezy... (Part 2)

2011-03-09T21:15:00.003+08:00

Well, I miss you. I don't know where to start, really, but I guess that's what I really feel right now. I should've had the chance to bond with you today but, unfortunately, your mom showed up unexpectedly. Not being able to see you for a day seems so long. Feels like each minute is a suffering. I have never ever admitted this to myself until now... I'm falling for you already. Seriously, I'm starting to be in love with you. I shouldn't be actually. Because I know for a fact that you don't feel the same way for me. Maybe my friends are right, you are currently in the "confused" stage. Perhaps you're just trying to check if being with me would give you the same feeling as being with a girl.

Speaking of girls, I was a bit shocked when you said you have a "honey". You were even very hesitant to tell it to me which led me not to believe it. Actually, I still don't believe it upto now. Also, I have to be honest, I'm not liking the closeness you have right now with Lein. I get all jealous and stuff when you start tickling her and smiling back her. I mean, for god's sake, SHE'S MARRIED. Although you are two of the bestest friends I have right now, I just don't like the fact that she's flirting back with you. Oh c'mon, she definitely knows I'm sooooo into you. I hope my brain's right, you're just flirting with her just to make me jealous. But I know that's far from reality.

It's been 4 days since you haven't been here in my room. We do nothing but talk and watch TV. Well, you watch basketball, I just pretend to watch since I can't relate that much. We play Plants vs. Zombies a lot. I mess up your hair then fix it back and do it all over again. You borrow lots of my shirts and make fun of it because most of them are a bit big for you. I miss your snore that usually wakes me up even before my alarms rings. We laugh a lot at jokes you didn't even intend to say. We eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and even snacks inside my room just because you feel a bit shy eating with my family. I miss the way you ask me to bring you water. I tickle you a lot using my comb, then you pretend to be in pain just so I'd stop. I miss pinching your "baby fats" that you're so proud to have. I miss your smell, that sweaty smell that I used to hate but I know started to love because whenever I think about it, I know it's you, your smell. I just don't get it but It's funny. I miss you in my room.

I hope tomorrow will be a great day for both of us. I've been having this weird feeling that you're a bit cold to me. I hope not. I know this is not really making any sense. In the first place, you won't be able to read this. Not unless you open my PC and suddenly open my blog's link just located on top of my browser. I don't wanna be all mushy and stuff but really, I miss you like hell.

*I know it's senseless so don't mind me*

*stop playing PvZ!! You know you can't beat me!*

xoxo
Much Love

Cheezy... Very Cheezy...

2011-03-06T23:28:00.004+08:00

*Warning* Don't blame me if you find this post very cheezy. I guess it's intended to be that way. If you're looking for sex of some sort, go somewhere else :p

He's been quite busy with the basketball tryouts for our company sportsfest happening in the next few weeks. I can definitely see his passion for the game. It's the only thing he watches on TV whenever he's here in my room. He even borrowed my one and only basketball shoes which I haven't worn for such a long time. Earlier this morning was the final tryouts for the team. I'm not sure if he made the cut, he never texted me today even after telling him to just text me if he wants to go out or have lunch right after the tryouts, guess he doesn't have load again or maybe he just got too exhausted just like the other day.

I'm not sure why but my weekend just didn't feel the same. Maybe I just got used to him sleeping over here. Even though my bed isn't that big, it felt so empty, it still feels empty right now actually. And to think that it has just been two days that he hasn't been here.

I'm feeling all weird now but I suddenly missed him like crazy. Eeeeew. Cheezy. But seriously, I felt so cheezy when I took his jacket from my closet and started hugging it 'til I fell asleep.

♪♫Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere...♪♫

That's him sleeping. I took this pic the other day when I suddenly woke up because of his loud snore. haha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Seloso

2011-03-04T14:19:00.003+08:00

*first ever tagalog post. Forgive me na lang kung andaming typo. Tinatamad ako magproofread*

To be honest, nahihiya akong magpost in Tagalog. Minsan kasi pinagtatawanan ako ng mga kaibigan ko kasi sabi nila pag nagsusulat ako in Tagalog, nahahalatang Bisaya talaga ako. Pero siguro kasi feel ko lang magtagalog ngayon, popost ko na lang 'toh. Meju di ko kasi gusto yung nararamdaman ko.

One thing na parati kong sinasabi about sa sarili ko is hindi ako seloso. Even before naman, kahit sa mga ex ko or sa mga kafling ko, I barely get jealous. But for the first time *ever*, ewan ko, bakit ako biglang tinamaan ng selos.

Alam mo yung feeling na may pinagseselosan ka pero alam mong di mo naman siya dapat pagselosan kasi di talaga dapat pero everytime lumalapit siya dun sa taong like na like mo, feel mo ang landi landi niya? Hahay. Opo, I am currently in that situation. And to think close friend ko din yung babaeng yun. Opo, babae po siya. Ang weird noh?

Well, nakakainis. Di ko alam kung bakit sa tuwing nakikita ko silang dalawa nag tatawanan or kahit magkatabi man lang, feeling ko naglalandian sila. When that happens, suddenly bumabagsak na yung kilay ko, sumasakit bigla ulo ko, nasisira na ang araw ko. Alam ko wala naman kasalanan si friend eh, close friends din naman kasi sila ni boy. Minsan, di na nga lang ako umiimik. You know naman, I'm always in the "I-have-no-right-to-be-jealous" moments kasi di naman kami ni boy. Everyone thinks kami na kasi always kami magkadikit, dito pa nga siya natutulog sa bahay eh pero how I really effin' wish na kami na nga. I've never felt this jealous ever, as in EVER. Siguro nga tama sila, talagang malakas yung tama ni boy sakin. Sabi nila ibang-iba na raw ang aura ko, mukhang parati na daw ako nakasmile, but I guess there's nothing to smile about everytime naiisip ko na crush ni boy si friend, gustung-gusto naman ni friend everytime lumalapit si boy. O nga pala, married si friend, yung married woman na tipong napagkaitan ng pagkadalaga kasi yung unang boyfriend niya, yun ang napangasawa niya. Am I mean? That's what they always tell me.

Feel ko kaya ako nakakaramdam ng *ehem ehem* matinding selos kasi wala naman talaga akong assurance na may nararamdaman si boy para sa akin. Minsan nga nabwibwisit lang ako sa sarili ko sa tuwing nagseselos ako. Choz! Lilipas din toh. Parang unas lang din noh? haha!!

*yup, si Andy si boy*

xoxo
Much Love

Black Jacket

2011-02-14T20:39:00.004+08:00

No, it's not a new jacket he lent me. I let him borrow my favorite black jacket this time and I'll tell you why.

Yep, today is balentayms day. Nothing special for me as I don't have a date of my own. Well, I can't call Andy my date. He never asked me out yet in first place. As usual, he woke up first. I even remember accidentally kicking him in the back unconsciously while I was stretching as he was sitting by the end of my bed to surf the net again. After that, I slept back since I realized it was too early. We spent the whole day just inside my room. I even served lunch for him still inside my room. We were like outcasts, prisoners. It was funny but I just didn't want him to roam around the house that much. After a few hours, I turned the TV back on. We saw trailers of movies shown in Davao cinemas right now. Then "The Mechanic" flashed. "Nood tayo!" he said. "Now na?" I asked. We went into a debate. He started off saying he wanted to watch it right now then he changed his mind when he finally convinced me to watch it today. Ugh!

Since I still had his blue jacket, I figured it should be cold inside the cinemas so I lent him my black jacket. When we got to the mall, he started complaining why there were lots of hearts around the place. "Natural! Valentines kaya ngayon?" I told him. Then he suddenly said he was supposed to have a date today but "the date" has a shift at some hospital. I felt a bit awkward then I suddenly realized I was walking too fast just to get away from him. I mean, it was my fault in the first place why I had to ask him more. But I was kinda wondering... he never mentioned any cues just for me to say he was telling the truth. There was no word there that personified "the date" as a girl. Nah, silly me, I'm just bitter.

The movie was great, seriously. I loved it, he loved it too. While he started being mum about the V-day thingy, I started noticing all the girls holding either a long stem or a bouquet of flowers. "Dapat may ganun din ako" I implicitly told him. Too bad he was too caught up with the music he was listening so I just looked at him. He then asked "ha?", I just laughed like I always he do when he plays deaf. Valentines day isn't something I "celebrate", not something I take too seriously. I mean, you could have a date with anybody else at any day of the year. I don't want to have a date with some special guy along with other couples having a date as well. I hope someday, someday, someday... I'm gonna have that date of my own. Oo na, I hope it's Andy... it's some way or another... whatever...

xoxo
Much Love

Blue Jacket

2011-02-13T23:42:00.003+08:00

I don't know how to start this entry. But basically I think ya'll now have an idea what this is all about. Okay, yes, it's about Andy again. If Soltero has his BFF, I guess I have Andy. The only difference is that nothing has ever happened between us ~~yet~~. He has already spent the whole week (and counting) sleeping over here in my room. Well, I can explain. I know you all have things going around your ~~dirty~~ mind right now.

The first night was unexpected. He just asked me if he could download some music so he could put it on his phone. I said yes, of course. I didn't think it would take him too long. I slept at around 7 or 8-ish in the evening, he was still awake that time. I woke up for awhile at around 9, he was still awake. When I woke up again at 11, he was already sleeping beside me. I didn't want to wake him up because I can't send him home anyway. There are no available taxis or jeepneys he could ride at that time. So I just had him sleep 'til we both woke up for our shifts.

The same thing happened the next day... the day after that.... and so on and so forth. Right now, he's down on the floor sleeping as I asked him to setup my sleeping bag. I didn't want him to eat up the small space in my bed so I asked him to sleep on the floor (I'm not as manyak as you think I am. haha!)

So I think I have to get to the whole story. I don't know what I'd do with him. I mean, he's giving me all, as in ALL the reasons for me to like him. But I don't see just even one bit of reason for me to say he likes me back. I actually thought of telling him how I feel but I'm scared, "terrified". I'm scared that I might lose him... that I might lose him as a friend... that I might lose him totally. I don't know. He's been one of the best things that ever came to me. As the song goes, "I don't know what he's after... he's my beautiful disaster..."

He lend me his new blue jacket. After he got it from his mom, he told me "no touch yung blue jacket, akin lang yun." Well, what can I say, I have strong convincing powers. He never let anybody borrow that jacket except for me. That's why when I came in the office wearing the blue jacket, all those gay men who likes him as well was staring so badly at me. I knew they were all wishing to borrow that jacket too. Haha! Too bad for them.

He also has this orange baller band that I have been eyeing to borrow ever since I saw him wear it. The time I tried to take it from his wrist, he complained and was pulling his arms back so I couldn't get it. "Makukuha mo lang yan when I'm asleep. But for now, you can't have it." he said that while giving me he's evil laugh. He said it's his favorite and I guess it's of sentimental value to him, something his mom bought abroad for him. The other day, I was surprised. He approached me on my workstation and handed me the baller. "Oh, ba't biglang nagbago isip mo? I thought favorite mo 'to?" I asked. "Ok lang, I have your black bracelet naman eh." Kaya naman pala, he got that black rubber bracelet with a tribal symbol on it. I barely used that bracelet so I let him have it. Oh diba, haba ng hair ko? haha!!

I guess this story's still gonna go on and on. I just got this chance to blog about what's happening because this is the only time I got hold of my PC again. And I this is the only time I can blog about him without him knowing. He asks a lot of things, I bet he's gonna ask what this is about too. Well, I gotta go, gotta get some sleep too :))

This is the new blue jacket he lent me :)

xoxo
Much Love

Terrified :|

2011-01-27T20:07:00.001+08:00

I'm at the edge of my emotions...

I'm in love... I'm terrified...

xoxo
Much Love

Orange Jacket

2011-01-24T20:36:00.003+08:00

Andy and I spent the whole weekend together. Sounds sweet, right? But to be honest, nothing sweet, intimate or romantic ever happened. From 1PM Saturday up until 7:50PM tonight, we were "inseparable".

Andy I started off by strolling through all the biggest malls here in Davao so we could check the best HTC phone we might like. We finally ended up choosing the HTC Wildfire, it's sleek, small but very functional. It has 5MP auto focus camera with flash, has a big screen and has WiFi. We then had coffee and just chilled the whole afternoon until the clock struck 5. Since we were to go out with our other girl friends by 9PM, we decided to chill at home. I actually decided for him not to go back to his bhouse just so I could make sure he doesn't fall asleep. Ironically, I was the one who fell asleep while waiting for the time to pass. He was busy doodling with my PC and my TV when he woke me up. After the night out, he decided to sleep over. I had him sleep on the floor with a mat and a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, my bed isn't that big to accommodate both of us.

The next day, he was already up when I woke up. He was busy watching NBA videos online with earphones on just to make sure he doesn't wake me up with the noise. We just chilled inside my room the whole day. My mom was kind enough to cook food for us the whole day. My mom even find him as a very nice kid. We went back to my room, talked a bit then slept again. Later when I woke back up, he was again busy with NBA videos. He decided to stay for the night the second time around. I never had any issues, he was very nice to me these past few days anyway.

This morning, he woke up first again, still busy with NBA videos. I remember him telling me he watches nothing but NBA once he gets hold of cable TV at their home. He actually did the same in my room. I didn't mind even if I wasn't able to watch rewinds of past ANTM cycles. He enjoyed listening to music he likes, watch videos he missed and he just chilled. I knew he enjoyed so much, he need not to tell me. I enjoyed the past days myself just by merely knowing he's having fun. When it was time for him to leave, we strolled back to SM to check back the phone we were to buy this coming pay day. When we parted ways, he asked if he could borrow my iTouch for the mean time. I had no problems. I asked back if I could have his new orange jacket for the mean time, he had no second thoughts.

As of this moment, I'm still wearing his orange jacket. It's something his mom gave him the other day when she went to Davao from their hometown Kidapawan. I looked for a jacket similar to this awhile ago, he even helped me look for one. "Sige na, para pareho tayo" he said.

I don't know whatever you call what we have right now, I don't know if there even is something that we have right now. All I know is I'm happy. Naku teh, ang haba ata ng hair ko!!

PS: My radar still says he's straight. I dunno, I think my radar needs some twitching. *CHOZ*

xoxo
Much Love

Grey Jacket

2011-01-21T16:21:00.002+08:00

A lot of things have changed lately and I guess I need to blog some more about them. I'm currently going crazy and basically just don't know what to think about first.

Let's start about this boy. I met Andy in the office. He's one of the new hires and actually didn't notice him right away until I saw his grey jacket. There was nothing really special with what he was wearing: it was plain, no prints and it has this hood that got me wanting to have that jacket. Fortunately, he asked for my help. Later on, I noticed I lost my watch. So I went around walking the whole office floor to check where I left it until I got tired and dizzy. So I sat back in my station whining about my watch.

"Ito relos mo diba?" he asked while showing me my watch around his wrist.

I sighed and almost hit him in the head. That's where it all started. Andy is still 19, young and "naive" I suppose. People tell me I flirt too much with him. In fact I don't. I just do whenever he's far away. People say he's gay, my radar's not working so I can't tell, he says he's straight. I actually don't care. Before, I had to get my to him through my girl friends. Since they were under one team, it was easier for them to invite him whenever we wanna go out or something like that. After last weekend, I got to spend time alone with him. We walked from Yellow Cab Damosa all the way to our office which was like a thousand miles away. It took us almost an hour and half to get to where we wanted. We talked a lot but I haven't known him that much yet. Since then, he never hesitates to go out with me alone, without the girl friends this time.

Andy has this certain effect on me. I love the way he makes me feel. I'm not so sure what's going to happen next but I know he makes me happy. He's childish, down-to-earth. He's not perfect but I find him real. I know I'm a bit too mushy but I guess that's the reason why I'm writing this. My friends tell me he might be feeling something for me. Because if he's not, then he wouldn't be going out alone with me. I say otherwise. I don't know, my gaydar's really not working. But for all it's worth, he really does make me happy... so much happy.

Yesterday, we went strolling. We were both looking for new phones and finally ended up deciding we'll buy the same phone. Oh diba ang sweet? haha!! Pero seriously, whenever I reach home, I still can't stop thinking what's gonna happen next: will he tell me soon he likes me too? Will he be introducing to me the girl he likes so much like what he told me and our girl friends the other week? Will he be making his moves? Or will he push himself far away from me?

Too much drama... makes me sick... I guess that's what Love is for. Choz!

xoxo
Much Love

Tweet-Tweet

2011-01-16T08:49:00.003+08:00

P*nyetang twitter to oh. Walang ka-kwenta kwenta. Sa bagay, I just used it to see tweets of some of my fave celebrities.

Ahem, if you have twitter, add me naman oh. haha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Got To Dance's Adam Garcia

2011-01-09T10:56:00.003+08:00

Once I get home, I turn on the TV for a while to watch cable TV shows before I fall off to sleep. Everytime I go home, it's Got To Dance time already. It's more or less just like Showtime in the UK although it's so much more fun because of this one hot judge: Adam Garcia. I've had my eyes set on him since I saw him in the movie Coyote Ugly as the leading man of the lead girl. Man, he still got the moves when it comes to dancing! And I was lucky enough to see these pictures spread all over the internet. Damn! Makes me hard. :))

xoxo
Much Love

The Year That Was

2011-01-04T20:09:00.002+08:00

I know I was such in a long hiatus. Still too much things going on at work right now. But believe me, I try to find time to write as much as I can. Unfortunately, I am just not given that time to blog. So here I am, making use of whatever time I have right now before I go to work.

The year 2010 was a pleasant. To many ups and downs happening here and there. Too many experiences to remember and forget. If you happen to follow me, I started the year with a sad heart. My ~~best~~ ex-bestfriend turned her back from me. Up until now, I'm not interested in making up or anything. It just doesn't make any sense anymore. Geo was still in the picture. Before he flew to Manila for a temporary reassignment, we had so many wonderful times together. I also can't forget the fact that because of him, I had to write Migs, the Manila Gay Guy, a letter, which he later on published in his blogsite. I got a lot of advise from readers and from Migs himself. But I guess the distance made it easier for me to forget whatever I felt for Geo.

Because of some family issues, I ran away from home. It took me quite some time to blog again. Despite the difficult times I had in my life, I never stopped (for lack of a better word) "mingling" with guys:
Ryan - the cutie Supervisor I used to play volleyball with
Jay - the guy the "huge" personality"
Paolo - the director/animator/photographer
Seth - the boy... errr... gay guy-next door type
Jake - the chinito-gwapo nurse who took care of me
Carlo - the guy from my past
David - the "almost" perfect boytoy who's now in Dubai.

I've had lots of entry about David. Mostly about how we met, how he left and how he was after he left the country. The last time he sent me a message was this Christmas. Fortunately, I caught him online so I made an effort to chat with him for awhile. He said he's doing good and is currently enjoying the life in Dubai. Although he admitted he still misses the Metro since this is the place where he grew up... and as cheesy as it may sound, it's where he met me *NAKS*

I finally went back home after my dad requested me to do so. I mean, pagbigyan na lang natin :)) I also had a fun time traveling to Cebu for the first time. I haven't even finished all my entries for this. I just missed out one day. (Day1 - Day2.1 - Day2.2 - Day3) But the experience was definitely amazing.

After that trip, I started becoming too busy with work and hadn't been able to blog too much about my life. You may continue to read on about what happened to me from September to December. This 2011, I can't promise to blog as much as I want to because workload really hinders me from doing so. But I promise you I'd bring you more food, travel and lotsa more boys.

BTW, I can't wait to tell you about this "Rude" boi I'm so in love with right now. Gotta get to work now!!

xoxo
Much Love

Meli Klismas Eblibodi!!

2010-12-25T10:48:00.003+08:00

I know I haven't been posting too much lately. That's because I'm too caught up with work that I barely have time to blog about what's happening. Well, I still wanna wish each and everyone of you a very merry christmas!!

This is what we had last night. Meli Klismas again eblibodi!!

xoxo
Much Love

My Christmas Wishlist 2010

2010-12-13T18:05:00.002+08:00

I know, 12 days more and it's Christmas already. I haven't had time to think about my new Christmas Wishlist for this year since I'm too caught up with all the workload given to me in the office. My boss told me to cancel all my planned leaves until the end of the year. But with all the things that are happening in at work, I bet that gonna be extended up until summer of 2011. Sheesh. Anyways, I'm not sure if you still remember my very "manly" wishlist last year. I got my PSP but I sold it to my friend because I didn't think I needed it anyway. I still want a new one though. haha!! I also got my Tekken 6 for my PSP but it was sold along with the unit. I still don't have a PS3 but I don't think I still have plans of getting one for myself because I don't see the benefits of having it in my cutesy little room. Finally, I still don't have a boyfriend so I guess I'll think about that.

All I wanted for this Christmas are these stuff:

Book - for most of the kris kringle I've joined, I asked for books. I just thought I want to have something to read for the whole year of 2011 because I'm not a fast reader. Sometimes, it takes me months to finish a book. I really don't care thought because the longer it takes me to finish a book, the longer I feel the emotions that come along with the story. I asked for books that are very common to everyone. Something I can easily relate to.

Room Renovation - I think I need to renovate my room. It's small but it's full of stuff. I just want it to be more spacious and more "bachelor pad" looking. My room actually looks like a boarding house because it almost has everything: PC, Stand fan, books, TV, internet, cable, and other stuff. My mom even wonders why I just lock myself up inside my room the whole day. I'm still looking for a painter that can help me repaint the walls of my room. My buddies promised to help me install a few shelves on the walls so I can save a lot of space,

iPhone 4 - it's not something special, I know. I just thought of wanting to have something "hi-tech". There's something in the 4G version that intrigues me. Although I already have my iTouch 4G, I want just want a phone that would let me use apps, call, text, and listen to music all in 1. Lemme check if I could save up some money for this. After I'm done with iPhone 4, I'll go ahead and sell it. Haha!

Boyfriend - naks naman, just like what I said last year: "Who wouldn't want a new boyfriend this coming Christmas?? I mean, I wouldn't wanna spend a cold holiday season?? haha!!" Nuff said :p

My wishlist this year doesn't sound to manly unlike what I had previously. I really don't care at all. haha!! Happy Holidays guys! and gays as well!
xoxo
Much Love

This Pogi Guy

2010-11-28T16:30:00.005+08:00

This pogi guy came home from the States. I didn't know when he will be arriving, neither did I know what time. He just told me he was on his way back to his hometown Davao and asked me if I could go out with him while he's around. I mean, I couldn't say no because for one, it's been such a long time since I've seen him; two, he's such a nice guy; and three, ~~I think he has present for me~~ he asked me nicely so I couldn't really decline. I had to give in.

Before his flight, he pinged me in Facebook and asked me for my number. He said he was already in the airport early in the morning and was just waiting for his direct flight to Manila. After a few minutes, he suddenly went offline. He never gave me specific details about his flight. He's always been like that, he likes to surprise me. A couple of days later, I got a phone call from an unknown number. I hesitated to answer because I had no idea who was on the other end of the line. I forgot about giving him my number actually. I finally then answered.

"Hello, sino 'to?"
"Guess who?"
"Pasensya na pero wala akong oras makipaglaro. Seriously, who's this?" oo na, mataray ako over the phone especially when I don't know who's speaking.
"Di ka parin nagbago. Si Clement 'to. San ka ngayon? Let's have lunch!"

At that time, I already had an idea he's now around the metro already. Then conversation went on and on. We had lunch at pizza hut and had the stuff we usually ordered way back in our good 'ol times.

We went out again the following day after he met up with college friends. Then met again the following day after meeting up with high school friends. Yes, he was seeing more of me rather than the people he should be seeing in his 1 week stay in Davao. He'll spend the other 2 weeks in GenSan and Manila to see other relatives and friends since he's here with family.

I missed the days when we were together. I mean, we were cool. I was even surprised at the closeness we had even after all these years. We still talk about a lot of stuff. And yes, we got to that point where he asked how I was after "us". The breakup wasn't easy. I had to let go because I know he had to go. There were no bitter reasons to end the awesome relationship we had. Like I said before, all we did was dance, eat a lot and have fun all the time. I had to be honest, I missed him big time. He admitted the same.

Clement's now in GenSan to meet up with relatives there. We're currently chatting in FB right now checking up on each other. But seriously, I happier that we're friends. I've grown away from the relationship we had without the intentions of going back because I'm certain it'll lead us nowhere. I'm not a fan of LDRs (Long Distance Relationships), neither is he. So I guess we're better off like this. He promised to stop by Davao for awhile before he leaves for Manila this Wednesday. He even kissed me goodbye before he traveled to Gensan. I guess he wants me to kiss him goodbye before he leaves the country again.

Nah, I don't think there's a part 2 for this but let's see :)

xoxo
Much Love

Brazilian Heat!

2010-11-22T01:00:00.004+08:00

I got too bored tonight so I decided to watch replays of past volleyball matches. Since I haven't been able to see Men's Volleyball for such a long time now (the last was 2004 Olympics), I decided to watch the final match between BRA and RUS. I mean, these countries are the toughest to beat even in the women's division ever since.

Yes, you're right, I was busy looking for hotties too while I had my eyes glued to my PC screen. Luckily, I found the new love of my life. 2010 FIVB Gold Medalist and MVP Murilo Endres. MWAH!

This is him showing the plate and mug he decorated for a certain charity in Poland

I just lurve the sexiness. I mean, can you like take those shorts off instead? :p

He's 29 and is engaged to Brazilian Women's team star player Jaqueline Carvalho for already 9 friggin' years! I guess they couldn't figure out how to live their lives having a family of their own when their too busy touring around the world competing. Sheesh. Yes, I did my research. I just wanted to check if he was straight. Unfortunately, he's engaged to that pretty woman I was eyeing last week when I was watching the FIVB Women's World Grand Prix 2010.

OOOOOOOHHHH!! It's a Sunday and I'm in love! Nyahahaha!!

xoxo
Much Love

First Tattoo

2010-11-19T16:26:00.006+08:00

My friends and I got a bit bored after our shift ended so we decided to hit the nearest mall and grab some ice cream. We strolled around a bit and we happen to pass by this tattoo shop. I've been wanting to get a tattoo ever since. I also wanted to have a pierce on my tongue. It's just that maybe I'm too gay to face the pain. nyaha!!

My friend Grace wanted to get a tattoo as well, she said. Since we currently don't have the cash yet to cover the expenses for getting ourselves a real tattoo, we decided to get a henna tattoo! Wooohoo!! It's a first for me. Hopefully I'd have the real thing next time :)

I had mine painted on my right arm. For those who can read this, go figure it out for yourself :)

That's Grace's name in Chinese. She had it painted at the back of her neck

xoxo

Much Love

Now I Know!! xoxo

2010-11-15T16:01:00.003+08:00

I have nothing much to say. I'm just so in love ~~with Gabe Bondoc~~ with the song! Just listen to it and I guess you'll figure out then why :)

xoxo
Much Love

3 weeks

2010-11-12T15:44:00.004+08:00

Ooops. This pogi guy is coming home from the States. It's been such a long time since I've seen him. I don't know if I should but he invited me to have dinner with him once he arrives. I suddenly remembered those days when all we had to do was dance, eat and have fun all the time.

This pogi guys is coming home from the States. And this pogi guy is my ex. He'll be here in a couple of days, I don't know if I need to spend time with him the whole 3 weeks he'll be here... he's badly asking me to spend lotsa time with him. sheesh -_-'

some kinda fun!

xoxo
Much Love

Lee Da Hae Insults Filipinos

2010-11-09T19:59:00.004+08:00

I don't know why I'm always the last to know. Haha! I never knew about this issue until a friend's link showed up in my FB News Feed. It was about a Korean actress named Lee Da Hae who mocked how Filipinos speak English. It got my attention, seriously. We all know for a fact that one of the reasons why Koreans are here in the Philippines is because they want to learn how speak better English. I found it a bit insulting for them to mock the way we Filipinos speak the English language but I had to see the video for myself first before I criticize the lady in question.

As far as I can remember, Lee Da Hae is known for her role in the Korean hit series My Girl, a role which was later reprised by Kim Chiu under the same title. The video below shows how Ms. Lee compared various accents on how to say "Excuse me, I'm a little bit thirsty. Can I have a glass of water please?"

This is how it sounded like.

After reading what the Filipinos had to say about the video, Ms. Lee released a statement through twitter on Nov. 3rd:

First I'd like to give you my sincere apologies for what seems to be a misunderstanding.

It has come to my attention that many of you from the Philippines have posted comments protesting that i was being derisive by mimicking Filipinos when they speak English.

Therefore, in light of this matter I'd like to take this opportunity to clear the air.
In spite of what many people believe, I myself did NOT mention anything
about the Philippines or Filipino accent whilst on the TV show.

On the other hand I recall bringing up Southeast Asia and not the Philippines and the subtitles were inserted when the show was being edited of which I was not aware of until it was aired.

The TV show where this footage was taken from was designed to amuse its audience and my sole purpose was to entertain the viewers by coming up with lighthearted stories.

Since the producer knows that i speak English he asked me if I could
share any episodes that touch upon the English language.

As we all know every country has a typical accent when its people speak English (including myself) so after giving it some thought, I came up with a few lines where I simply tried to compare different English accents: the somewhat rigid British accent and beginners in Southeast Asia whose English tends to be a little hard-edged. No pun or ridicule was intended.

As an individual who use to take English classes over the phone with a Filipino instructor, I give you my word that even the mere thought of mocking Filipinos would never cross my mind.
I cannot tell you how much Filipino fans mean to me and as much as I love them, I would in no way
hurt or upset them.

I hope I have clarified any misunderstandings and once again I am truly sorry if I inadvertently
hurt anyone's feelings.

-i really love you, my Filipino fans..

To date, I haven't heard any statement from the network itself since Ms. Lee claims she wasn't aware of the subtitles inserted. You be the judge. :)

xoxo
Much Love

Quick Lafftrip

2010-11-07T21:40:00.002+08:00

I decided to have my haircut today because I noticed I was wasting too much shampoo on my hair these past few weeks. My hair looks kinda like a forest and I think I needed to have it trimmed. So I went to the usual parlor where I have my haircut and had the same beautician do my hair. While waiting for an assistant to take me to where they'd shampoo my hair, I sat in their lobby where the front desk is. Since I knew the place was a hotspot and I brought my thingy with me, I asked the lady...

ME: miss, ano password ng WiFi niyo? (miss, what's the password for your WiFi?)
MISS: eto po sir *sabay bigay papel* (here you go *then she handed me the paper*)
ME: miss, small letters ba lahat? (miss, are these all in small letters?)
MISS: opo sir. Pwede rin po bold. (yes sir. it can also be in bold)

WHAT??? BOLD?? Are you serious? Pwede rin kaya ITALICIZED? Haha!! Medyo tumambling ako dun ah. The password she gave me was right, it connected me to their WiFi; however, it never opened any website (including Grindr, grrrr!!). In fairness, baka nga talagang dapat naka BOLD letters yung password nila.

xoxo
Much Love

The Med Rep

2010-11-04T19:15:00.002+08:00

So he came back. After more than a year of working away from the metro, he's back for a vacation. Unfortunately, he had to meet us on his last day in the city before he goes back to Manila to work.

Carlo went back to Davao for vacation. He said one of his doctors bought him a plane ticket home as a gift. Me and my friends had to wait for him for hours before he arrived at the place where we all agreed to meet. I was anxious to be honest, it's been a long time since I've seen him.

Even before he flew back here, we already talked about thing we needed to do. We even agreed that I will fetch him at the airport. None of those were realized since were both too busy with our lives. Moreover, he had lots of friends who wanted to see him, that's why he had to meet me, errr, us last.

*ring ring*
He called. It was a signal that he's already at the meeting place. He didn't text where he was at, he never even bothered to answer my call. He was behind us, about to surprise me and our friends. Oh, it was just me and a friend, the others already had to go to work that time. So it was just me, Ellen and Carlo. With a hug, he kissed me on the cheeks by surprised. He never kissed me (ever) back in our days. I was caught off guard, I must admit. Suddenly I just realized how much I missed him. I knew he did misses me much more. I took his baggage and carried it for him like I always used to. Of course he'd resist (for formality's sake) then he'd end up saying yes anyway. While we were looking to get some dinner for him, he kept pinching my cheeks, my arms and kept punching my biceps. Oooooh, you miss me so much, di lang halata.

We had coffee and dinner *again* at a coffee shop near our office. We met Joel and Mae there s they'd get the chance to see Carlo again. Just like the good 'old days, all five of us. I was silent the whole time they were there, and yes, I was blankly staring at him. He continued to slap my cheeks, pinch my arms and did everything he could to make me feel I was like a cuddly little bear. Yes he misses me. I took him to our friend's place where he'll stay for the night before he goes back to Manila. Nothing special happened after I walked him to that place. I wanted nothing special to happen anyway.

Dang, I just missed him.

xoxo
Much Love

iTouch Much! xoxo

2010-10-29T12:02:00.006+08:00

I just got so excited the other day because... *TADA* my package just arrived!! wooohoo!!

I had my friend's parents buy the new iPod Touch 4G in the US. I bought it for a much cheaper price compared here in the Philippines.

The first time I got hold of it, it felt like heaven! I mean, it's just a very nice feeling to see a fruit of your investment. :) I was excited to download all the apps my friends recommended me to download and all those apps I saw online. I now have to sell my other iPod because it will be of no use to me anymore (aaaaw, how sad). Anyhow, yes, I didn't forget to download that app.

See yah when you're around my "tracker" :)

*I'm sorry for all those guys featured. You guys should actually thank me for advertising your faces. haha!!*

xoxo
Much Love

Hello? Bert?

2010-10-20T16:03:00.003+08:00

While I was busy making "moony-moony" in my room, my phone suddenly rang. It was an unfamiliar international number flashing in my phone's screen. to my excitement, I answered the phone right away thinking it was my mom who called.

"Hello?" was my greeting. As usual. I had to check if indeed my mom was the one calling or perhaps someone from the office using our Avayas.

"Bert?"

It was a familiar voice. I missed that. I missed him. The last time we spoke to each other was on his birthday. It was such a cold conversation just so he'd think I'm over him. But since I missed him, I sounded too happy when he called... because indeed I was. I still miss him.

He talked about a lot of things, how he made friends with other Filipinos there, how some Arab touched his sensually touched his thighs when he rode a cab, how some girl continued to flirt with him. I just laughed at all those funny stories he had. He used to make me laugh like crazy when he was still here, he still makes me laugh even though he's there.

As much as I could, I never brought up the topic about relationships, I just didn't want him to ask me about us again. But unfortunately, he did.

"Nagselos ka naman bigla?" he asked when he told me about this girl flirting with him.
"Ha? Ba't naman ako magseselos. If you're having fun with her, why not naman diba?" I honestly answered.
"Akala ko kasi magseselos ka." he then became silent.

He meant something else. He told me that story about the girl because he wanted me to be jealous. Hay naku Bubu, magbago ka na. haha!! XD We ended the conversation in a good note. I had to make segue just so he can forget the topic about "us". Obviously, he's still not over me. Discreetly, I'm not over him too.

*Ang taas ng buhok ko teh!!*

xoxo
Much Love

The Proposal

2010-10-19T12:09:00.003+08:00

This should be one of the most romantic moments I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I never thought that something so sweet could even happen in real life.

I've been friends with Nora and Francis for a long time. Nora was a college classmate, Francis was that good-looking boyfriend she always brought. They've been together for so long and I'm happy for this decision they made.

Not known to Nora, Francis will be home by the 15th. He worked in Dubai for more than a year after he followed her their when she used to work their as well. What Nora knows is that Francis will be home by the 18th. He already contacted everyone in our class to prepare for the wedding proposal he's thought of for such a long time already. We reserved the pool area of a hotel here in the metro for 2 hours, we filled the place with red balloons and petals of red roses. We got someone to play the violin, our cardboards are ready. Francis just needs to come up with his speech; he's never been sweet to her ever since so this will be the first time he will be putting into words all that he feels.

Francis: "Will you marry me?"
Nora: *hoooooie*!!

Nora was speechless. She was crying out of joy the whole time. She definitely had no idea what was happening.

I'm definitely very happy for both of them. I'm freakin' excited for the big day which they scheduled to be next year. I just posted this out of excitement so don't mind the grammar too much. weee!!

PS:
Oh yeah, and if I don't get to propose to somebody some day, I hope to be proposed by someone the same Francis did. haha!! *Dream on Bert*

xoxo
Much Love

Pokwang Gone Wild?

2010-10-11T12:30:00.002+08:00

I suddenly just read from a news article that Pilipinas Win na Win host Pokwang allegedly went ballistic in a photo shoot set. See video below.

At dahil usyusero ako, I researched. I then found out it was just a gimmick she did for Globe. If you try to read between the lines she was throwing in the said video, she never mentioned any reason why she went wild.

"Kailangan niyo i-explain sakin bakit ganun! ....Hindi porke' ano, explain niyo!"

she wasn't being direct to the point as she had no reason at all to be mad. You may click on this link to see Pokwang's tweet about the said Youtube video. Haters may not believe it but I do :)

xoxo
Much Love

Hunky Dancers

2010-10-11T12:01:00.005+08:00

I haven't been able to blog too much these past few days because of my hectic work schedule. I was also too engrossed with the movie STEP UP 3D which I watched twice already and would love to watch it again and again. I find it, so far, the best among all the Step Up installments. And with that, I have two lovely boys I would like to share with ya'll.

Rick Malambri

He plays Luke in Step Up 3D, that talented cute guy who sees the talent in everyone. Rick used to model for Abercrombie & Fitch then he started to make a career out of his dancing. Fortunately, being a new comer in the movie industry, Rick landed the lead role for the said movie. It didn't earn as much as the earlier installments but it made history as being the first dance movie ever in 3D.

Adam G. Sevani

I know, I know, he's not a hunk. But, DAMN! I just get sooooo excited when he starts to dance. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't love that nerdy look yet hunky moves?? He's said to be the coolest nerd after the movie Step Up 2: The Streets. He's been with the Step Up movie since it's second installment and came back in part 3 to reprise his role as Robert Alexander III aka Moose. He's now shooting another movie entitile LOL: Laughing Out Loud alongside Miley Cyrus who's rumored to be dating him. Anyway, I just recently found out he formerly had this dance crew along with Jon Chu (Director of Step Up 2&3) call the ACDC (Adam/Chu Dance Crew) who created the biggest online dance battle in the history of Youtube against the M&M Crew lead by Miley and her sister, Mandy Cyrus. Just check out the vids Youtube. I might post them some time within the month though.

I guess that's all. I just thought I needed to stop and blog for awhile because seriously, I missed doing this.

xoxo
Much Love

Untitled

2010-10-01T19:46:00.002+08:00

It's just too difficult to handle a secret when the only ones you can tell it to is yourself and your blog...

fine, according to a reliable source sila na. F*ck the world and all the lies that come with it...

xoxo
Much Love

Yet Another Annoying Story

2010-09-22T09:11:00.002+08:00

I really didn’t expect this coming. I already vowed to myself never to fall for someone straight. But what if that “straight guy” I’m starting to fall for is seen by everybody else as someone like me as well? I guess you know what I mean.

I got over Seth already, I should admit that. It’s evident in the last post I made. But this post has something to do with him still, and I actually resent that fact. I have this friend whom I’ve been with for some months now since I got transferred to the department where I currently am. JL has been such a nice guy to me. He’s been there to assist me making sure my transition from one department to another wouldn’t be much of a challenge for me. And in that process, we became close friends. We’ve shared a lot things already (along with Aliah). He was always there during my high and low times, he pretty much became a bestfriend to me of some sort. I was really enjoying his company.

Unfortunately, I suddenly realized my feelings are becoming something more intimate. Yes, I was starting to like JL. He’s not too attractive actually, he’s not even a hunk. Perhaps it was his wits that got me so bad. He’s such a smart, intelligent and wise guy. These attributes are actually very evident not only in our workplace but also in our conversations. Then Seth suddenly comes in the picture when he broke up with his partner. JL and Seth has been friends even before I got transferred but they actually didn’t have that much time together with the other guys in the group. In short, ako yung mas naging close kay JL. Weeks passed and I suddenly noticed that JL and Seth are becoming closer, yung tipong minsan magugulat ka na lang kasi magkasama pala sila. Everywhere we go, JL never forgets to call Seth’s attention. Pag lumalabas kami, si Seth ang unang naiisip ni JL imbitahin. When we eat, he never forgets to call Seth on his extension to ask if he wishes to join. Everytime we eat, they’re always beside each other. Oo, meju nagseselos nako, not because JL is becoming close to a guy I was attracted to, but because JL isbecoming close to somebody else. Worse, he is becoming intimately close with some other gay guy, somebody who doesn’t have a good reputation. Even JL knows that.

Up until now, my friends and I are stuck with the thought that Seth and JL are already a couple. It doesn’t really show in JL’s side; however it’s actually more evident in Seth’s side. In the past few days, he’s been posting mushy things in his facebook, about feeling complete with his “baby”. He never mentioned to anyone of us that he’s committed already. And there’s no other guy he’s around with most of the time but JL. I just couldn’t help but feel jealous. I know I’m jealous, I just don’t know why I’m jealous. I mean, I never had issues about JL, whether he’s gay or not. I just don’t like the thought of him choosing Seth. As friends would put it, Seth’s a big flirt. It just doesn’t show because according to them, he does everything silently. Kumbaga, pa”underground” si ate kung magtrabaho. Well, at first I didn’t believe them since I was too absorbed with the thought of being attracted to him. But now, I strongly believe that fact.

Naman JL, pede ba pumili ka na lang ng kahit sinong boylet jan (kahit di nako kasali dun sa pipiliin mo), wag lang si Seth. Oh diba? Ang bitter ko? I have to be honest. I mean, there’s no point of denying to myself that, yes, I am indeed jealous, worse, feeling hurt. I just don’t get to spend that much time with JL anymore as we used to. I just miss all those times we’ve had fun. Shef, makatulog na lang nga.

xoxo
Much Love

Hot Seat

2010-09-19T11:40:00.003+08:00

"Do you still love Seth?"

I froze. I didn't know how to react. I knew they were going to ask me that question. It could've been easier answering that question if Seth wasn't sitting beside me. I was shaking, not knowing how to answer that one simple question. I know it's only a yes or no question. But to think I am with friends who won't take yes and no for an answer, I had to think of a better explanation to make them believe.

"hindi" I nervously answered without taking a peek at my side.
"Hindi? Or hindi na?" they curiously asked back.
"Hindi. It never came to a point where I fell in love."

I was surprised at how I answered the question. It was something I didn't make up. It was something I knew came from inside. Then I realized why. Everything with Seth was pure infatuation I guess. My attraction for him was very superficial. I'm more comfortable with us being friends, I like it better actually. Then he was asked..

"Ikaw Seth, how did you feel?"

I knew he wasn't flattered. Barako guys like me aren't his type. He's more into the cheesy looking guys, I know.

"Siyempre, nailang."

That was all he could say. I didn't expect him to feel the same way because I knew in the first place he wasn't comfortable with the conversation anymore. I noticed when I answered the question, he moved about 3 inches away from me to lean over to our friend on his other side. Obviously, he was feeling a bit awkward already.

"So how do you feel about Robert?"

He didn't answer. After a few minutes, he said bye to me and went home.

xoxo
Much Love

Unlike Before

2010-09-16T19:04:00.007+08:00

I still see you everyday like I always do. That's because you work in the same place as I do. I still see your smile, the innocent looking smile. I still hear that laugh that still mocks my own laugh. I still see those eyes, the ones I used to stare at for a long period of time. But I don't know. I just don't like you the same way I did before. I like you, but I don't "like" you anymore. Confusing. I don't care. I just remember you everytime I hear this song which, in some instances, make my eyes a bit teary...

xoxo

Much Love

Payday

2010-09-15T13:42:00.002+08:00

Upon checking my salary at the ATM just a few blocks away from our office, I was amazed at the pay I received. DAMN! I fuckin' deserved that money. Well, I guess I deserve more though. Pero okay na, at least may pang shopping.

The thing with me is that I eye on this certain stuff and plan to buy whenever payday comes. But whenever payday comes already, I just get this feeling it might not be worth it, or I start to eye on something else, or maybe... or maybe... NAH! pramis, I just get so annoyed at all the stuff I could buy with the salary I get. In the end, I end up buying nothing because I start spending most (if not all) of my pay on food. Not just food, but GOOD food. Well, you know what I mean.

I spent sometime with myself today. I didn't mind the people that were looking at me. Perhaps they were just wondering why I was wearing business attire in the morning. Or maybe they were wondering why I looked so tired already despite the start of the day. I dunno, I just don't know what these people are thinking but the heck I care about them. I just walked and walked around the malls I could go to. I even went back to the uber nice looking jacket to see if it fits me right. It actually does. I don't know, I just didn't want to buy it then.

I don't have anything interesting to share as of the moment though. I'm just not that inspired perhaps. Can you be my inspiration? haha!! :))

xoxo
Much Love

To Ditch, or Not To Ditch

2010-09-07T13:56:00.004+08:00

It's already been a month and I believe I've already moved on. Though I admit I still peek into his FB account just to check how he's doing. But seriously, I am soooooo over him. Not until I woke up with 7 messages waiting in my PlanetRomeo account (Oo, may PR account din. Parking lang all the time :) ), one of them had to be his.

"Musta na?" was all he could say. I didn't know how to reply. I really didn't expect for him to try to and contact me after that night we might. I honestly lost hope in the fact that we'd cross paths again. But he did make the effort. So I did my own too.

"I'm fine. Galit ka ba sakin?" He wasn't online so I didn't really expect him to respond immediately. After a few hours, he did respond. It was a message with a feeling of remorse for what happened.

"No I'm not. I don't know how to explain it."

That's what guys normally do when they ditch you. I mean, my friends tell me I look more like the guys who'll ditch somebody. But no, he was the one who fled. He left me hanging without even telling me what happened.

It took him quite awhile to confess to me why he ditched me. He left me with nothing but silence. I appreciated it although I knew it was too late.

"Actually, after our "date", I agreed with the guy I met before you ( I met him 2 months earlier) na maging kami. But after a week, I found out he was married."

So he left me out in the cold for some married douche-bag. I bought his story, he seemed like he was telling the truth. Because honestly, I wouldn't know how to tell him had I been in the same situation. Still I didn't appreciate the silence. I don't know where we'll go from here. Or maybe, I don't know where he'll go from here. For all I know, I'm done :)

xoxo
Much Love

Theory with G

2010-09-04T16:33:00.004+08:00

Oo na, seloso na kung seloso. But I do believe every gay guy has their own share of story to tell. That story where you bare it all: how everything came to be and how every bit of you made you just YOU.

I am one with the Theorgy in celebrating our multi-colored homosexual lives. I know you read my story already, I believe it's time to share it to everyone :)

xoxo
Much Love

Happy Bubu Birthday

2010-08-29T15:29:00.002+08:00

So much for Facebook reminders, I had to be reminded that it was his birthday. Even if I haven't opened my account, my phone reminded me as well. I forgot to remove the reminder. But still without all those freakin' reminders, I know, I definitely know it was his birthday.

It's been almost 4 months since he left. He was that one last chance I had at love. Yeah, he was a virgin at relationships like this, a virgin as well in whatever you guys have in mind. I miss him more than anything else. Damn it! I still haven't gotten over him even after the sad goodbye we had when he left.

Since I was so nice and still wanted to greet him in his birthday despite all the odds we've been through, I posted a simple "happy birthday" on his wall. I didn't expect any reply from him. I had this feeling he still feels miserable over everything we had given up when he left. I didn't even know he was online, he suddenly sent me a message saying his thanks. He then told me he missed me, I didn't respond. He was quite persistent, so he called.

The conversation was a bit dry, he was lonely there. He had friends but only a few of them knew it was his day. So I tried to comfort him. He was feeling homesick. He misses his family, he misses me more he says. He asked for a gift, I told him I couldn't afford sending a package to Dubai. He asked me to sing, and so I did. It was a small but simple gift and I was thankful I made him happy.

I sounded a bit cold, but nevertheless, I still miss you my bubu.

xoxo
Much Love

Kadayawan sa Davao!

2010-08-23T16:59:00.004+08:00

Although it's not as super duper merry as the Sinulog festival in Cebu, the Kadayawan festival is well-known for it's colorful and fantastic events which lasts the whole month of August. I was lucky enough to witness even just a portion of the Indak-indak sa kadalanan (street dancing). Although my friends and I still had work, we went out even for just an hour to witness the colorful parade. The route of the competition was just near the office so we thought of joining the festivities. Although most of the photographers there had high-caliber cameras and stuff, I was proud enough with the shots I got with my Nokia handset:

These are just a few of the shots I took using my phone. I have plenty more pictures I wanna share someday. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to celebrate uber much this Kadayawan festival because of lack of budget and lack time. Everything's pretty much because of work. By the way, I was able to take images of a few bizarre props used in the competition. Hopefully you guys can visit Davao someday and perhaps meet me! *char*

I just got so amazed with this big mouse head

and this big crab

xoxo
Much Love

Regrets

2010-08-20T14:44:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, we take people for granted because we think they'd never change. When I read that line before from a text message, I just read through the words, but not through what it meant because I know it wasn't gonna happen to me... until this week.

I never thought the way you'd relate to me would change. I thought our closeness would fill all the gaps that would ever come between us as friends. Since we became close, I always looked up to you as somebody I can always rely on. Most times, we talk to each as if we're mad because we both sound sarcastic, condescending even at times. But what's funny is that when people try to tell us to stop, we just tell them it's something normal between both of us.

Just because I didn't like the fact that you never thought to call or text me for almost one whole day, that you made me wait without even confirming if our agreement to go out with other friends would be on or not, the fact that I called you from 5 in the afternoon 'til 10 in evening, it made me feel uber duper bad. I waited, waited, and waited... until I just had this thought that maybe you fell asleep. But it was already 10 in the morning the day after and still I never got any decent message from you. I sent you a message, still I didn't get any response. Next thing I know a friend tells me you're off to somewhere. When I asked her how she knew, she said you called another friend the night before. That hurt me, it hurts knowing that I waited for one decent message from you and I never got any. My friend told you about how I felt, then you called twice. I just cancelled both calls, I didn't wanna talk yet.

The day after that, everything went cold. I was still on the process of perhaps trying to just get over everything and let it pass. While you, you who was always the one too shy to approach me when I'm not in a good mood, the one who always has patience for me, was the one who was colder. Days passed and I noticed you don't even seem to talk to me. Well, you do, just when needed though. I could barely approach you from behind and then hug you like I always do. I could even barely approach you even if it's work related.

After a few days, now everything's a bit better. But it just isn't like before. You talk to me, yes you do. You even kid around a little about me. But it really isn't like before. I miss the way everything used to be.

I miss the way I hug you just to bug you
I miss the way you lock my PC just so you could convince me to have coffee
I miss pinching your fats to tickle you even if you're busy
I miss shouting out your name just to invite you to have lunch
I miss the way I can pull and play with your hair like it's never gonna be arranged back
I miss the way I can slap your face playfully while were talking
I miss those times you call me up though I'm still sleeping just to tell me you want to bug me
I miss you and everything about us

I know it was your fault in the first place. But I do admit I had my own share of mistake because of the way I reacted. I just hope I'm not losing a friend. That's all. :(
xoxo
Much Love

First Time Traveler - Cebu DAY 3

2010-08-18T15:30:00.006+08:00

Our dresser's a bit messy. That's how guys are I guess. Haha!! XD

It's early in the morning and we haven't decided where to go yet. Aliah kept bugging us to meet her in the airport as she was to arrive that day in Cebu. She's with other friends who used to work in the same company we currently are in. We met up with them at Ayala to have lunch and desert. The guys were so excited to tour the place. Lari and his boyfriend are already a resident of Cebu after deciding to work there. So basically, both of them will be the one responsible to tour Aliah and Gian. They even got a pen and paper to make sure they can visit all the places they need to visit today.

Aliah, Seth and the other guys decided to go separate as they were to tour the whole city some more. While Lawrence and I, on the other hand, decided to stay at Ayala after the desert we had with the whole gang. We just had one thing in mind: SHOP! Woohoo! I set aside some money for this activity because I know I'll be up for lots of shopping there in Cebu. After all the clothes we bought (as if ang dami), we decided to have coffee at SBC - Seattle's Best Coffee. Definitely, it's the best coffee I had ever in Cebu, better than Starbucks even. Since I was too hungry and I couldn't anything sumptuous other than their breakfast meal, I just gave in to the temptation.

One of the best lines I read :)

Over, yung breakfast meal lang sakin. Ke Lawrence na yang cake and brewed coffee XD

We stayed there until the other guys were finished with their tour. We all decided to have dinner at Casa Verde at the IT Park. Friends told me their Baby Back Ribs is uber good for such a low price so I prepared my tummy for some major lamon. haha!! Lawrence and I decided to wear the clothes we bought that day just for fun. After everyone arrived at the place, I went for what I was told to taste. And indeed, their Baby Back Ribs is uber BIG! Each serving costs Php199 only! Compared to its counterpart dishes here in Davao which would range from Php299 - Php599. Well, that was the dinner. Lawrence went to meet up some old friends while I was stuck with the gang touring the whole IT Park some more.

This is one of the few pictures I was able to take inside Casa Verde located at the IT Park

Day 3's a bit short, I know. To be honest. We all suddenly got tired. We tried to go the Skywalk at the Crown Regency hotel but no one was willing to pay so we just backed out. Since most of the gang who just arrived in the morning haven't had sleep yet, and with Seth who easily gets tired, everyone decided to skip clubbing and partying that night and just go home and sleep. Before I went back to the apartelle, I went to where Lawrence was to have coffee for awhile. Day 4's hours away, I can't wait to go home. But honestly, I didn't wanna leave the place anymore for some reason.

xoxo
Much Love

Changes

2010-08-17T12:07:00.002+08:00

I've tweaked my blogsite a bit. If you notice, my banner's a bit more "colorful". I'm not sure if you could imagine how I really look like but that's not my point anyway.

Tell me guys watcha think about this new look. I just suddenly got uber bored here.

Will be posting a few more stuff about that Old Flame I was talking about the other day. And oh, I'm so sorry. My Cebu getaway with Aliah, Lawrence and Seth is bit overdue already. I'll try to put that in my priority especially for those who are interested in visiting the Queen City of the South.

I guess I need to take a very long rest. This is the first time in 3 weeks that I was able to go home ON TIME! And I mean, really really on time.

*hugs*

xoxo
Much Love

Such a Sexy Cook!

2010-08-16T10:50:00.003+08:00

As I was browsing through my twitter (like I care about all the posts I see), I just saw one guy who caught my attention. At first, I really didn't have any idea who he was until I found a link to his blog.

http://thefatkidinside.tumblr.com/

His name: Erwan Heussaff

According to Google, Erwan is a Fil-French businessman who's rumored to be Anne Curtis' boyfriend. But I really don't care about that part. All I know is that this guy is TO DIE FOR! He's uber pogi, uber sexy and I just love the fact the he DEFINITELY knows how to cook!

Perhaps someday I'd kill to have a boyfriend like this. But like I mentioned before, guys like him don't exist to be mine. They just exist, that's all.

Here's a video of him and one of his cooking sessions:

Untitled from erwan heussaff on Vimeo.

photo and video credits go to Erwan Heussaff

xoxo
Much Love

Weddings

2010-08-16T01:46:00.003+08:00

I used to go at weddings just because it's family-related or something kinda like that. Now that I'm in the grown up world, everything's kinda different already. I was invited to my friends' wedding, friends who've been such good friends to me, friends whom I saw from the start of their relationship to the point of their marriage.

I thought at first they just got married because the girl got preggy, but no. They got married because they were prepared to be, they were wanting to get married already. When Cheri informed me she was getting married to Paolo, I immediately embraced her out of happiness. I know almost all the things they've been through before and it just made me so happy to know they decided to settle already.

The ceremony was solemn, damn I was late. They only had a very few people to invite apart from family. Although everything was traditional, it was still something different for me. I'm not used to going to weddings of friend/s. But perhaps since I'm already in this grown up world, I should get used to it already.

I know this is nothing important to post about but just seeing my friends get married is something new for me. To be honest, even I still think about the possibility of getting married. Perhaps when same-sex marriage becomes legal in the Philippines already. HAHAHA!! Just kidding.

xoxo
Much Love

Old Flame

2010-08-13T16:31:00.002+08:00

As they say, Old Flames never die.

I know it didn't die... and definitely I know, for some reason, it won't burn as strong as I wish it should...

Yes, if you followed the link.... Geo's back...

xoxo
Much Love

At The Gym

2010-08-09T19:24:00.003+08:00

*Due to insistent Soltero's demand, I'm posting this story....*

It was the last business day of the week and I fortunately finished all my audits and reports just in time. I had to finish them early because I had a party to attend that same day by lunch and I was planning to hit the gym. So I went out from our office and went to our gym which is located in the other building of our company. The lights were off when I peeked at the place so I thought it was closed. But the guards were kind enough to usher me back to the gym and they turned on all the lights and equipments for me. I told myself NEAT! I have the whole place to myself. I went inside the small locker room, changed and placed my stuff in an empty locker. I started with basic cardio. I still wasn't sweating after 10 mins. of walking so I decided to speed it up. After 4 mins of running, I suddenly saw a reflection of somebody else walking inside the gym. At first I didn't mind him since I was too caught up with running. After he changed in the locker room, he chose to walk in the treadmill beside mine. I only then noticed that this guy is that hot one I always see passing by whenever I take my break. Wooo!! I just can't stop staring at him in the mirror.

We finished our basic cardio at the same time. I was already soaking wet with sweat that time while he, on the other hand, didn't look too tired yet. I rested for like 5 good minutes, drank some water to fill me then I took 2 dumbbells so I can start my biceps exercise. At the same time, he took the other 2 dumbbells beside the ones I took. I just didn't mind it then. I positioned myself at the far back of the gym still facing the mirror so I can see myself. I stayed there for about 20mins. Suddenly, Mr. Hot Guy was approaching the equipment right beside me. Since I couldn't focus with what I was doing, I moved out and stayed just right in front of the mirror where the dumbbells are placed. After 5 mins, Mr. Hot Guy started with his dumbbell exercises again and stayed perhaps 5ft. away from me. Since I was too assuming to think he was following me, I went to the equipment he used so I can exercise my back. Not for long, he seated himself beside the equipment where I was. This is beginning to look like a game. I didn't dare smile at him, nagmamalinis ako that time. haha!! I just couldn't help but stare at him and his bulging biceps. Ang sarap niya! Juice ko lord! I noticed I wasn't focusing anymore with my exercises so I decided to hit the showers.

Naks, upon entering the locker room (no, hindi niya ako sinundan. haha!!), I couldn't help but just imagine ripping off the shirt he was wearing and play with everything in his body I could play with. I hit the showers and noticed I was having a semi hard on already. Since no one was inside apart from me, I just couldn't help but... you know what happened next. haha!! I have wholesome readers too you know :p DAMN he's hot! When I stepped out of the showers, there he was, slowly taking off his shirt showing his sweaty and glittery body. Hay naku, wala pa nga ako sa party parang busog na yata ako!

That experience made me want to go to the gym more often. Wahaha!!

xoxo
Much Love

Confessions of a Workaholic

2010-08-07T20:19:00.004+08:00

They say you can't have it all. It's either career or love. Since I spend most of my time working, does it mean I'm not eligible to be in love? Haha!! Funny analogy but sometimes it makes me believe that it might be true in some way or another.

I have been told by friends that I work too much. I just tell them I have to and maybe because I need to. An employee in our company is scheduled to work for 9 hours. I, on the other hand, works way beyond that. Almost everyday, I spend my time finishing all my reports and stuff in 13-15 hours. When I get home, I just lie down and fall asleep as fast as 2 minutes. I wake up, hit the shower, dress up and go to work. This is my usual and typical day. I barely have time to watch a movie, talk to friends over the phone and other stuff that a normal young boy does.

Now it's a Saturday night and I've got a shift. Friday night was my off yet I just spent the whole night sleeping. Am I still normal? I'd like to think that I still am. Perhaps career's the reason why me and Terrence never worked out. I moved on, good thing. I'm sitting here in front of my PC while preparing the stuff I'll be wearing at the same time. I still have a lot of things in mind. I want everything to be organized when I come to work tonight to make sure I finish everything on time.

Whew, Love or Career?? I don't know. I guess I'm not obliged to choose. I can have both if I want to you know. It's just that since I have career as of the moment, let me make use of that first. Love comes in the most unexpected times they say. So as much as I can, I'll try not to expect for it. Let it expect me to come instead :)

xoxo
Much Love

First Time Traveler - Cebu DAY 2 (Part 2)

2010-08-04T14:31:00.004+08:00

This was one of the longest days I've ever had in my entire life...

I was to meet a college friend that night for dinner. She works with Cebu Pacific ticketing and hopefully I could get some promos. Hahaha! Kidding aside, Lawrence, Seth and I decided to eat at Teriyaki Boy. I heard the food is great; however, when I started looking at their menu, I barely could even recognize a thing that was listed there unless it had an image of it. I'm no good at Japanese food; I just munch and munch, I don't mind remembering it's name. So I had Lawrence pick the meals we'll have since it was his favorite place to eat way back when he was still working in Cebu. While waiting for our meals to be served, my friend Angel came. Of course, the usual tight hugs (plastik!!) and chitchats were there. Once the food was laid down on our table, I forgot taking pictures of it for documentation as I was uber hungry already.

hehe, you ain't gonna see these faces... yet... :)

We then decided where to go next. I said "kape tayo" which was the only thing I had in mind. But before we had coffee, we took pictures in The Terraces which was situated in between the Ayala Center.

This is the center of Ayala Center, "The Terraces"

What's the point na nilagay ko pa tong picture na to? haha!!

Since Starbucks and Coffee Bean was full, we decided to grab our coffee at Bo's since it was in the same establishment as Fully Booked. I found the place relaxing and amazing. They had a very wide range of book which you can choose from. I hardly even chose a book to buy there because of the variety of materials present in the said bookshop.

I just soooooo love their bookshop!!

That laptop is just for show, not mine. haha!!

It took us quite awhile before we decided to go home. We just enjoyed the free Wi-Fi (which wasn't technically free because you have to buy coffee first before they give you the passcode) and the soothing ambience.

Then we went to sleep thinking about the next day to come...

to be continued...

xoxo
Much Love

Silence

2010-08-03T13:34:00.003+08:00

I know deep inside I ain't done anything wrong that very night we met finally met. I mean, after 3 years of anonymous friendship, online chatting and SMS messaging, I never thought everything would end at that very moment we finally saw each other in the flesh.

For 2 weeks or so, I've been in my happiest moments. Though I haven't seen those naked eyes yet, I was simply enjoying the company I had with you through my mobile phone. Almost every minute of my everyday was dedicated to making sure my smile doesn't wear out just because of you. But now, everything wore out, tore down, broke up. I wasn't in love yet, no. But to be honest, I was getting there.

I didn't know what happened but you just left me hanging. I don't deserve this, I really don't. I can't even understand how come after the night we met, you then changed your FB status to in a relationship and was posting about being in love again. I can't blame you if you suddenly fell for somebody else while we were having some temporary virtual relationship or whatever that was. I respect any of your decisions but I just can't seem to fuckin' understand how come I didn't get any word, breath, sigh or even just a simple goodbye just to tell me I'm just not enough.

Until now I hold my phone close to me hoping that someday, some time, you'd find the heart to let me know what happened. But for now, I'll try to get by. I was just too attached to what we had. I don't even know what we had was called, all I know was that we had something. If ever you read this (which I strongly believe you can't), please, let me know.

:(

xoxo
Much Love

First Time Traveler - Cebu DAY 2

2010-07-29T11:34:00.005+08:00

Hay naku. Day 2 was a bit stressful. Lawrence introduced us to this place that sells Ngohiong, it's like lumpia pero hindi. He mentioned that it's the most famous place where people literally line up to buy the said dish. I just forgot the name of the place where it's situated but I remember it's somewhere in front of Gaisano Main (or mall maybe). We then worked our way to the oldest churches around the city. One of them was the Cosmopolitan Church, which I'm not even sure if I got the name right.

The Cosmopolitan Church... or Basilica... I'm not sure

Then a few blocks from this church is the Sto. Niño church, the oldest church in Cebu. If you look at the facade, damn, it's pretty old. But when you go inside, almost everything's a it tweaked already perhaps just to make sure it's still standing strong. If I'm not mistaken, this was the church that burned down; however, one Sto. Niño statue stood strong untouched.

The Church and Convent of Sto. Niño

Then a few meters away (which was just outside the church) was the famous Magellan's cross. It's one of the landmarks that Cebu is known for so I had my picture taken in the said place.

After tedious hours of walking and stuff, we decided to hit SM, the biggest mall in Cebu. And indeed, it was nothing like SM Davao. It's too big that I just got so amazed at all the stalls and stores around which I never saw in Davao. I had another grande cup from Starbucks and fortunately, they were able to get my name right this time.

Here's a few pics of the mugs they had the time we came there

Also, they have iMAX already. The first film they featured was AVATAR by James Cameron. The 2nd one was Inception. I really wanted to watch Inception that time but I guess it was too expensive the watch the movie so the 3 of us just decided to play bowling again.

Php400 for 3D movies, Php350 for regular 2D movies

Yeah, still I lost against Lawrence. I can't deny this is his thing. Seth just sat there busy taking our pictures.

Yup! that's me bowling!

Although it was too hot, we then decided to hit the Taoist temple, situated inside a subdivision (I heard this subdivision houses rich people... hmmmm). The place is known for it's temple (DUH!!) and it's Chinese-like ambiance. It's a bit tiring touring the place because it's connected by steep staircases and stuff. But when you get to the top, the breezy feeling's something to look forward to. We stayed there for quite awhile to rest. The only problem with the place is transportation. Since it's a subdivision, it's either you call a cab, make it wait or walk your way down 'til you reach the gates so you can hail yourself a cab. Fortunately, halfway through walking, an empty cab passed our way. We decided to go home first to take a rest. This was one of the longest days I've ever had in my entire life...

Day 2 - to be continued....

xoxo
Much Love

Turning A Year Older

2010-07-25T09:05:00.004+08:00

Since my so called "friendly date" with Terrence didn't push through, I was bored the entire night. (I'll tell you more about this guy.. don't worry!) I watched Titanic in my PC but I didn't finish it. I took a bath and got dressed, saw that the clock struck 10PM already. I decided to maybe grab a grande iced coffee. I was already out of the house, almost hailed a cab then I thought why not go to the office and finish work. So I went back home to change from shorts to jeans, grabbed my ID and walked my way back to where I can hail a cab.

I met up with friends from the office who had their shift, had uber late dinner and got my iced coffee. When the clock struck 12MN, my friends started greeting me. They even sent an email blast to the whole department with stupid pictures they took from my facebook account. My agents also started sending me mails.

When I got home, my facebook was flooded with greetings and I decided to thank them one by one. I mean, they made an effort to greet me, why not make an effort to thank them one by one? I don't have any plans for today. It's hell week, which means pay day is approaching... slowly. My friends told me they'll have plans for me but I don't. It's up to them I guess. Here's a picture of the first gift I received today from Aliah:

An iPod Pillow!! Weee!! She really know I much I love music :)

xoxo
Much Love

First Time Traveler - Cebu DAY 1

2010-07-23T12:21:00.006+08:00

Cebu DAY 1

I had to log out from the office super on time so I'll have enough time to go home and fix my stuff just to make sure I've everything I need for my trip. I'm uber excited, uber duber excited. I had Lawrence pick me up since our house was just on the way. While in the taxi going to the airport, I had mixed feelings. I didn't know what to expect. Will the ride be nice? Will it be scary? Will it be weird? I don't know. When we reached the airport, we had to wait for Seth to arrive since he just lives a few meters from the airport. When we came in, security was tight. I had to take off my belt and my shoes and all other stuff on my body twice: first, before we checked in; second, before we boarded the plane. While waiting for the plane to arrive, Lawrence and I were busy taking our pictures. I barely had a picture in the airport as I was the one holding the camera. I just took a photo of my two companions and the whole place. When our plane arrived, I took the chance of getting an image of it. I just couldn't imagine that it's gonna be the first time I'll be riding the huge vehicle.

That's our plane from outside! This was taken when we arrived in Cebu

When we landed, I had Lawrence take a picture of the plane for documentation purposes. I thought I need a lot of pictures I can share with everyone here. :)

The Mactan International Airport wasn't as nice as the Davao Int'l Airport though but I like their taxi process there. Everyone has to line up before they can ride the cab. We then were on our way to our apartelle. The ride took quite awhile. The main roads in Cebu aren't that wide compared to Davao. And most of their roads are one way so it was quite traffic jam there when we reached the place. Seth and I, as first timers in Cebu, got easily amazed by the tall building we saw on each corner. Promise, I was so amazed about everything I saw outside the window of our cab. When we got to the apartelle, we decided to just change for awhile then grab our lunch. We headed to Ayala Center since it was the nearest mall from our apartelle. It was so near that we just walked our way going there. It only took us about 10 minutes to reach the place. Damn! The mall was too big! I ended up asking Lawrence a lot of questions: the where's, the why's, the how's and the who's. Seth just stayed silent but was obviously in awe. I wish we had big malls like these in our hometown. But oh well, at least our place is super safe.

We decided to take at least 2 hours of rest since we never had sleep since the previous worknight. Unfortunately, our 2 hours of sleep became 5 hours so we ended up having dinner by 9 something. We then ended up going to their Asiatown IT Park where all the tallest buildings there were all BPO centers. Since I was craving so much for coffee, we decided to try Starbucks for the first time. I loved the ambiance there although I just didn't like the fact that there were too many people in the said coffee shop. Also, I hated the fact that the lady misspelled my name the first time I ordered my iced coffee although I already spelled it out. Then I bought a second cup of iced coffee since I realized I missed coffee that much. I spelled it out clearly for the girl yet when I got my cup, it was even more misspelled. But heck, I love coffee.

I found this small pipe standing in the middle of their park so I put my cup there and took a picture of it :) and no, I didn't leave the cup there :)

We spent the rest of the night taking pictures of the tall buildings surrounding the park. We went back to the apartelle by 2 or 3 something then we just all fell asleep. We agreed to wake up early to make sure we'll have a long day to tour around the city. Here are a few more pictures of the sceneries in the IT park:

This i2 which houses Stream Global Services (formerly known as e-Telecare) and another center I forgot :)

This is i1 which houses another office of Stream Global Services and Convergys. Opo, may i3 na rin. Lawrence said it might've been just built because it still wasn't there when he worked way back with e-Tel in i1

Malamang nakita niyo na tong picture na to sa libu-libong facebook profile pictures :p

Nah!! I just soo love the peanut butter brownie ala mode Lawrence bought here! weee!!

to be continued....

xoxo
Much Love

Almost 3 Years

2010-07-20T11:14:00.005+08:00

It's been almost three (3) years... three years since we met each other online. I added him in Friendster then we started to exchange silly comments. By that moment, I was liking the person whom I was exchanging those silly comments with. Then I thought why not send him my number, just a try. Luckily, he replied with his number and thought I was funny and silly as well.

It's been almost three (3) years and we haven't met personally. We exchanged text messages from time to time. But since he was subscribed to another network, we never had constant communication. I browsed through his pictures and I knew I was liking the person painted in the pictures. He had such a sweet smile, full red lips and eyes that could melt you in seconds. We lost contact when my phone got stolen. We rarely check up on social networking sites. Those were the days.

It's been almost three (3) years... our communication opened up again since he's already subscribed to the same provider as I am. I just had my downfall and perhaps trying to pick myself up again, he just broke up with his 5-year boyfriend saying he's had enough of lies. We're having fun talking to each other over (still) silly messages. I'm starting to like him again. I think he feels the same way too. I just fear that this might not be the right time. But as far as I am concerned, I own my time. I'll be making sure that this time, our time, will be right. And even if he might not yet be the right guy, I'll just be busy making myself the right one for him.

It's been almost three (3) years... hopefully this is it.

*He might kill if he sees this picture. He doesn't know a thing about my blog...*

xoxo

Much Love

On My Way

2010-07-15T07:18:00.002+08:00

a few hours from now, I'll be on my way to my very first traveling experience. Cebu, here I come!!!

BTW, I have lots of things to share to you guys (and gays) when I get back!

xoxo

Much Love

Counting the Days

2010-07-12T10:34:00.002+08:00

2 more days 'til my trip to Cebu

a few more days 'til I inch another year older..

Yeah, good thing everything got sorted out between me and Seth. We're good friends again now and no more bitter feelings. I still like him but just not the way I used to. I guess he's not even excited to see his partner in Cebu because they've been arguing these past few days. Lawrence on the other hand has no problems. We tried inviting Finn but our evil boss tried to convince him not to go with us.

Will posting some pictures of our trip when I come back!

I'm starting to accept early birthday gifts. You may want to message me if you wish to send me a package. But if you're only gift is your body... hmmm... that'll be negotiable... HAHAH!! just kidding :)

xoxo

Much Love

Contentment

2010-07-12T02:07:00.002+08:00

Although I'm happy and contented (at times) that I'm a guy, sometimes it just makes me want to say I wish I was a girl. It just seems that every perfect guy I meet is always made for some perfect girl out there he's bound to meet... :(

xoxo

Much Love

The American Dude

2010-07-05T02:20:00.005+08:00

I had a blast at the beach yesterday. We celebrated Aliah's birthday at Isla Reta, some secluded place at Talikod Islands, Samal. The sand there's so white and fine and I just love the water (but I didn't soak myself wet for some reason... hehe). Well, that's not really the whole thought of this entry. It's about this American dude Finn and everything he told me today.

No, he's not gay nor did anything happen between us. Finn is some American guy from the office who got relocated here in Davao just a week ago to join our department just for a few months to help out in improving Customer Service and stuff. We got the chance to grab him today since it was Aliah's birthday. He's fun to be with, like super fun. He loves playing stupid with us but I like his wits though. It wasn't 'til I got the chance to talk to him over the phone while I (and some of my friends) were on the bus going home that I noticed something beyond his wits. My phone rang and it was Aliah's number that showed up but Finn was the one holding the phone so technically, he was the one who called. I know he's a bit drunk and stuff because before we left them (he was left with the others [including Aliah] in the resort), we already finished like 5 bottles of hard drinks but he was still in good shape to talk to me though. Then he asked me that one question that made me freeze...

"How's it going between you and Seth?"

I was like "What did you just say?" then he repeats the question. I didn't know how he knew about that stuff but he started to freak me out.

"I mean, are you guys fine already? Have you moved on?"

All those questions he gave I barely answered. I just started talking to him today and I guess I can't trust him enough just yet to tell him everything.

"You know what, I'm speaking as your Manager, as a friend, this is not healthy for you. Move on dude, you have tons of other guys you can go out with. I expect by tomorrow that you be fine or else..."

I know you're wondering how I was able to memorize all that but for someone like him whom I'm barely close to, it somehow awakened me that somebody like him even cared for a moment although clearly, he didn't really even know the score between me and Seth.

"We have to talk tomorrow and you have to tell me everything once I get in the office. I hope you move on by then..."

How sweet. Some stranger caring for you about things he's just assuming that happened which is in fact right. After all the talking and stuff, I was able to manage to give him just one quick response...

"Seriously? What should I be moving on from if I haven't even gotten to where I wanna be?"

*by the way, Finn is super cute and hunky, he's 24 and a former US Navy. He's been estranged from his family 3 years already and he doesn't wanna leave the country anymore. He's leaving Davao by October and I hope to change that decision before that day comes :) Well, I've got nothing naughty in mind. I mean, I just think he'd make a fine, honest and witty friend, that's all :)*

xoxo

Much Love

Changed Man

2010-07-01T15:25:00.005+08:00

I believe I was able to keep my word... the promise of being a changed man after that tragic downfall I had the other day. When I said I wanted to change, I wanted to put myself first then think about that someone next. I realized I had to fix my life first before I try to build it with someone else.

Maybe, yes, I was bitter about the whole thing. I mean, who wouldn't ever feel bitter about being trashed by somebody you're almost falling for despite the fact that you haven't even started making your moves? Well, to be honest, I was turned off by what he did as well for some reason (but I guess it won't stop me from still liking him). It made me bitter but better at the same time. Although this has been like the Nth time I've experienced this unhappy situation, like what they all say, "every experience is unique". However, I've learned that the way I'd feel from that day on depends solely on how I would take the situation so I realized I had to take it as something constructive. As Kanye West would put it, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".

I guess I'll have to let things cool down for a bit before I start making my moves. I mean, I have at least 14 days to cool myself down before the trip to Cebu happens. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing, I just don't feel excited about how things will be knowing will be together for 4 freakin' days, not even knowing if we'll ever speak to each other like before... ever again...

xoxo

Much Love

Food Trip - The Sequel

2010-06-27T22:39:00.005+08:00

*At dahil depress-depressan ako ngayong araw, hinila ko si Aliah and Lawrence na magfoodtrip :)*

I woke up early in the morning as I was asleep the whole day. I came home from work at 2 in the afternoon (my shift started 11PM the night before). As a usual routine, I shake my PCs mouse and the screen flashes since I leave it on overnight. I checked for any updates here and open my facebook account. *BOOM* I had 20 notifications while I was busy snoring in my bed, one of them had to be a comment on my photo by Seth.

"Hilom Aliah, he's not my type... ok?!" (Shut up Aliah, he's not my type, ok?!)

*previous to that, Aliah was making comments saying "uie, ang sweet niyo naman, bagay talaga kayong dalawa"*

I froze for a moment in my seat not knowing how to react. I started feeling cold and my mouth wouldn't move. To cut it short, I was really caught off guard by the reaction he made. I didn't know what to say. It took me almost 2 minutes before I could move my fingers and type what I had to say.

"Dah, hilom lagi si Aliah... haha!! XD" (that should shut Aliah up... haha!! XD)

I had to pretend it was fine by me. I really had to. Sadly, my iTunes was cooperating with my mood. It started playing slow sad songs continuously. I really didn't know what to do. So I took my phone and texted Lawrence. Good thing he wasn't too busy. I invited him on a food trip, my treat that is. He already knew there was something wrong because he knows that most of the time, I only invite him on food trips when I'm down. So he called to check. I pretended I was fine and I just wanted to eat. Aliah, on the other hand, was a bit blind about what I read. She asked me something ("nabasa mo na yung pinost ni Seth?") and I was thinking we were on the same page, but we weren't. That's how she was able to read everything and she understood.

We started at Coco's and had a delightful meal:

Tropical Hawaiian Pizza (Php 195.00)

Baby Back Ribs (Half: Php 299.00|Full: Php 395.00)

I was hesitant to share my side of the story. They were insisting I was hurt. Yes I was, but just a few hours after I read that fuckin' comment. After that, I know didn't have the best feeling in the world but I know I was able to say "I'm fine" despite getting crushed by that one statement. Aliah even told me how Jason (one of our friends) scolded Seth for posting such a thing. Lawrence also asked him the same thing and all he could say was "I don't know. I didn't know what I was thinking." he was troubled, maybe, knowing that he's not in good terms with his partner. But as Lawrence said "not because he's not feeling good doesn't mean he has a license to say something so rude." I stayed silent throughout the conversation while Aliah and Lawrence were busy talking about the same topic. I was thinking maybe he was able to say that because he didn't want his boyfriend to doubt. The partner was actually starting to ask him who I was. So I was thinking maybe he just wanted to avoid arguing with his partner. I didn't want to sound a bit too bitter about the whole thing. We stayed their for almost 3 hours because we couldn't finish the all the food we ordered. We talked about a lot of stuff but it was mostly about what happened. I knew they cared, they really did.

While Aliah was attending mass, Lawrence and I had coffee:

Coffee Cat at Torres St. just along DavCon

Apple Crumble ala Mode (Php 100.00)

After 2 more hours of staying at Coffee Cat, we then decided to bowl at B3:

That's Lawrence by the way. He's so good at this. I lost by just 20 pts!

I went home feeling a bit lighter knowing I had friends like Lawrence, Aliah and Jason. I know back here in my room, everything's sadder, but I guess just by merely thinking about all the things they said, it's enough to get me through the day. I didn't shed a tear because I'm "not his type" or whatsoever. What made me teary-eyed was that I have friends who stood up for me at the time I know I couldn't.

Hopefully tomorrow, as what I said, I'll be changed man. I've decided not to speak to Seth for now just to see if he really is sorry. They told me he currently feels guilty for posting that comment. I say maybe not. Because if he felt guilty already, he should've deleted the comment by now. They said if I don't speak to him, maybe he'd feel more guilty. To be honest... I hope he does...

xoxo

Much Love

Food Trip

2010-06-27T10:21:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow, I'll be a changed man. Ayaw naman pala sakin, bakit ko pa pagsisiksikan sarili ko? :)

But for now, since masakit yung puso ko, magfu-food trip na lang ako hangga't malunod ng pagkain yung sakit.

xoxo

Much Love

First Time Traveler

2010-06-22T11:10:00.005+08:00

Sorry for the blog holiday again. Still freakin' busy at work and to be honest, I miss blogging. So here I go...

Finally, for the first time ever, I will get the chance to ride an airplane!! wooohoo!! Ambabaw ko, I know. But seriously, yes, this will be my first time. Since Cebu Pacific recently had a seat sale, my friends and I got the chance to book a flight going to Cebu!

Lawrence booked his ticket separately since his card got maxed out already. And since I was too dumb to know that Cebu Pacific doesn't accept debit cards for online transactions, I had to ask for Aliah's assistance so I could have mine and Seth's ticket booked. Yup, that ticket up there belongs to Seth and me. Aliah will be in Cebu by the 17th, so basically we'll all be reunited there for a few days. We still haven't settled for a place to stay though (any offers?)

A lot of things have been bugging me since I booked this flight. First, I don't know where to go first when I reach the place. Since Lawrence worked in Cebu for 2 years, I told him to look after me once we get there and told him to make sure he takes us to the places we NEED to go and see. Second, I don't know how much money I'm gonna need to make sure I cover all the expenses for this trip. Lastly, this one thing that's really bothering me, this one thing I can't get over with.

Remember? Seth's partner is settled in Cebu. So when we invited him to join us in our trip, he never had second thoughts. Lawrence actually thought of inviting him because he wants to set me up on a date with Seth for the whole 4 nights stay in Cebu. But obviously, Seth will be spending most of his time with his hubby so I believe whatever Lawrence is planning for both of us, I doubt it will push through. Yes, I feel a bit sad knowing that I won't be enjoying the trip with him. I know he'll really make sure to see his boyfriend because just recently, Seth received a very bad news from his partner. The boyfriend claims (I used the word claim because none of our friends believe that the boyfriend is telling the truth) that he has cancer. In short, Seth will spend all his time having fun while taking care of his hubby. My friends really do not believe what his boyfriend says. Maybe because most of them are not for Mr. LDR. Most of them even find Seth's stories inconsistent so they're really thinking it might just be some made up drama or something. For me? My mind's too clouded to believe whether it's true or not. All I know is that something that serious shouldn't be used as a hoax. That's all.

Well, I don't know what'd really happen not until this trip comes. Seriously, as early as now, I'm feeling a bit down about this trip. I'm really looking forward to spend my vacation with a few of my good friends (Lawrence and Aliah) and of course, with him yet I have this strong feeling that I'm never gonna have fun in Cebu without him. I'm really crossing my fingers... hoping and wishing everything will fall in to place. I still have about 2-3 weeks to keep crossing my fingers, hoping that within that span of time, something good (which benefits me) will happen...

*for those of you in Cebu, or for those who will be in Cebu in those dates, don't hesitate to invite me if you wish to meet up with me (char, artista?)*

xoxo

Much Love

Regrets and Realizations

2010-06-08T21:06:00.002+08:00

"Musta na? It's been awhile..." He texted.

He never used to send me messages just to check up on me when I was still courting him. He was never the type who'd like to show he missed me or something. He was always the insensitive type.

"Eto, medyo haggard na sa trabaho... senxa if I can't accomodate your message, just a little busy tonight" was my quick reply. So I got back to work, had to face this crazy Monday in the office. I was uber busy last night that I came in healthy, but when I came out I was already sick. I now have coughs and colds and am not feeling well.

As promised, I texted Carlo when I got out of the office. It was almost noon since I had a LOT to do before I had to leave work.

"Hoist, kumusta? Kakalabas ko lang ng office. Sobrang haggard ko na. huhu" I wasn't expecting him to reply. I always knew he was the one who easily feels bad whenever you don't reply to him right away. But then my phone beeped after 10 mins.

"Hindi ka pa nasanay! Ok lang yan. Eto, papunta pang work".

I was inside a cab already going home as we were busy exchanging messages. We were talking about a lot of stuff. Then I told him why not come back here and work in Davao since he's really homesick and has been expressing his disinterest in his work already.

"Why, you miss me?" I just smiled when I read his message. He was never like this when we were going out. Like I said, he was never the one to express his feelings. After reading that message, I just though maybe he wanted to catch me saying I miss him. Yes, I do, I won't deny it. But it just ain't the same way I used to miss him.

"Assuming? haha!! Pero di nga, bakit naman hindi?"

After a few seconds, he responded "I miss you more". I finally told myself that maybe, just maybe, he regrets letting me just pass by. I asked him what made him miss me, he didn't reply anymore.

After a few moments, I made some thinking what if he indeed came back and asked to have a second chance at us being together. I told myself I wouldn't close my doors. It's just that I have somebody in my mind right now. Somebody perhaps I'm beginning to have serious feelings for. So I turned on the "Emowt" playlist in my iPod. I tried to see who comes to my mind first when I hear the songs I really loved to listen to when I'm thinking seriously.

After playing a few songs... it was just him that was boggling my mind.

xoxo

Much Love

Hiring Process = Humbling Process

2010-06-04T20:03:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I guess it really took me quite awhile to blog again. I just got too caught up with work because of the sudden ramp for our account. I had to double my efforts and my workload all at the same time. Apart from the regular work I do at night, I had to do interviews in the afternoon for the hiring process. And speaking of hiring, that's what I'm about to share to you now.

The good thing about being the one who gets the chance to choose people as addition to our account is that I get to meet different kinds of people (including the cute guys too!). I have met a lot of single moms who took their chances since they need to financially support their offspring/s. I have also met a lot of undergrads who, like me, didn't have enough to support their studies. I have also interviewed aged people who took their chances as well because they know that call centers don't have limits when it comes to age. There are also these pretty young ladies who don't have the brains and skills to be part of our company. And finally, there are these cute guys who, at some point, even have challenges in speaking the English language. But for the sake of kalandian, I accepted them for training.

One of the most humbling experiences I had ever as an interviewer happened this week. He was young and has finished school already. He's not cute but not ugly either. He's very well-versed in the English language it's just that he looked so tired. He didn't even show interest in being hired so I had to fail him. A few interviewees passed and a representative from the recruitment team approached me and said that the said guy (and the other girl I failed) asked if they could be interviewed by another person. Of course, since it was their final interview, I said no. As we all know, final interviews is your one shot at getting hired. It's just all or nothing. So I continued with my interviews although I really felt tired already having to ask the same questions over and over again. A few more minutes later, somebody knocked. The door opened and there he was, the same guy I failed, asking if he could speak to me. So I explained to him all the reasons why I didn't hire him. He explained himself and everything and I started to understand the reason for his unlively aura. He came all the way from Butuan and has been in Davao for 4 days already just to wait for that one final interview. Moreover, he hasn't had any decent sleep and is even experiencing migraine as well. I had to be frank and told him that those were not enough reasons for me to change my mind.

I have been doing final interviews for our account for almost half a year now and nobody ever dared to go back, talk to me and ask me why I failed him/her except that guy. Yes, it was humbling. Why? It took him a lot of courage to beg me just to be hired. I understood where he's coming from so I finally changed my mind. I gave him one more chance. I just told him that if he's going to show the same attitude during training, I'd have to pull him out.

Although I may project a strict personality when I do my interviews, I have a soft heart as well for those who show sincerity. Well, that was a first for me. But really, I hope it won't happen again.

xoxo

Much Love

The Not-So Typical Gay Guy

"It’s like you’re together but you’re not" (an inspired post)

Twenty Eleven

Twenty Twelve

Rumor Has It ver 2.0

Rumor Has It

Care to share what a gay guy has in mind?

Help Me!

You Got Away

Are You Suprised Mom?

Seloso ver 2.1

The Ugly Truth v.2

Oreo Surprise

Crossing Fingers for Shamcey

Mohawk-ish

Shamcey's Preliminary Walks

Happy Bubu Birthday again!!

Chicken, Hunter Style!

Hair Color

Work.Work.Work

Crazy Lunch

Tumblr

It's all about the BREAST!

Twenty Four

A Few More Hours

My 200th post

Better Yet - Gabe Bondoc

Sorry

Green Coffee

Positivity!!

Answered Prayers

Yet Another Phone Call

Seloso ver 2.0

Andy's Burpday *burp*

Madame Cashier

Chris Hemsworth is THE Thor!

Caption This! (Royal Wedding)

Wrong Send

Don't Tell My Mother...

Looking Back

Some Time Alone

Sexy Fano!

Cheezy... Very Cheezy... (Part 2)

Cheezy... Very Cheezy...

Seloso

Black Jacket

Blue Jacket

Terrified :|

Orange Jacket

Grey Jacket

Tweet-Tweet

Got To Dance's Adam Garcia

The Year That Was

Meli Klismas Eblibodi!!

My Christmas Wishlist 2010

This Pogi Guy

Brazilian Heat!

First Tattoo

Now I Know!! xoxo

3 weeks

Lee Da Hae Insults Filipinos

Quick Lafftrip

The Med Rep

iTouch Much! xoxo

Hello? Bert?

The Proposal

Pokwang Gone Wild?

Hunky Dancers

Untitled

Yet Another Annoying Story

Hot Seat

Unlike Before

Payday

To Ditch, or Not To Ditch

Theory with G

Happy Bubu Birthday

Kadayawan sa Davao!

Regrets

First Time Traveler - Cebu DAY 3

Changes

Andy's Burpday burp